Opposing Forces: Rage and Love

I have been avoiding this entry for a while because after I posted my previous one I realized that this is the least interesting to me of the series. The thing is, love is far too broad of a topic to cover and could cause confusion since I'm looking at it strictly from an emotional perspective. So I need to clarify this all upfront, if I say anything that seems offbeat in regards to love it may because I'm only looking at the surface of the issue rather than diving deep into truly defining the word.

The purpose of Northern Light(s) as a whole was to dive more into relationships between each other and how we can develop them better. My ultimate goal is to ask questions rather than answer them.

Let's focus on rage first. There are two different definitions I came across I wish to look at:

1. Fury, A state of extreme anger.
2.  Something that is desired intensely.

As I stated in my previous entry, greed, rage, and fear are all self-based emotions. Rage is the extreme step above anger and both emotions are felt, mostly, when you have been wronged in some way.

Anger is often a justified feeling since it often comes out of betrayal or pain that others have inflicted upon you. Rage is what happens when you allow anger to intensify after internalizing your feelings towards those who have done something bad to you. Essentially what happens is you get hurt, you let that emotion of hurt turn into anger, and then after letting it sit for a little while rage takes control of your heart.

Often friends help your rage grow. 

"Wow, I can't believe they did that to you." 

Or my personal favorite heartless comforting phrase:

"Don't worry, they'll get it in the end."

Rage is one of the most dangerous emotions along the spectrum because it clouds your judgment and consumes your mind. You develop tunnel-vision and become focused on thoughts of revenge or even hatred. All you see is your own pain.

An obvious cure for rage would seem to be a loving spirit and it is. Love is on the opposite side of the spectrum. Love is pure and ultimately selfless in comparison to rage. The only problem with love is when it often crosses the line toward something else which people tend to hide behind. Many have done selfish things hiding behind love when it was really lust, among other things. 

You see, something people fail to realize about love is that's it is more about what you can do for others than it is about what can be done for you.

The common theme amongst the positive side of the spectrum is that they are selfless, but what people fail to realize is that sometimes even the purest of emotions can be manipulated for personal gain. Love is the one most commonly manipulated. People utilize others abilities to connect to their emotions for their own gain all the time. Whether a homeless man plays off of someone's compassion to pan-handle (not all pan-handlers are bad but I've heard some dangerous stories!) or a teenage boy convinces a girl he's in love with her to get in her pants, manipulation happens.

Love can be defined as: a strong positive emotion of regard and affection.

I stated that love is more about what you do for others than you do for yourself and that transcends simple romantic love (not that this is a simple topic). It is also true for all of your relationships. I'm convinced that the love you share with your friends is one of the most powerful emotional connections there is. Let me explain:

You're born into your family and there's an automatic emotional connection made through the fact that you're of the same flesh and blood. Your parents raise you and your brothers and sisters annoy you, but you all, for some reason, care about each other through a strong connection (obviously there are certain scenarios that negate this, but I imagine there's a connection regardless of poor parental involvement).

Also, when it comes to a romantic connection there are obvious reasons for them being made. You meet someone of the opposite sex. You fall in love with them. You connect at a deep emotional level that is almost symbiotic since the two of you are so different from each other but sacrifice so much so the two of you can be together. Finally, through marriage or other methods, you connect physically as the maker intended (imagine that being said with an Irish accent, it just feels right).

Now to my long-winded point. The reason friendship connections are so strong is that there is nothing previously there that motivates us to make them happen nor is there the promise of that physical/emotional relationship in the future. You're just a couple of people with like minds and hearts who learn to love each other by association. You share your dreams and develop a sense of destiny together.

I realize that not all friendships take that kind of a turn, but I'll be honest, my closest friends have allowed me to feel a sense of purpose in my loneliest hours. They have helped me find strength I wasn't aware existed and for that I am more than grateful.

I love my friends.

Sure, they make me angry at times but the love we share is more powerful than the potential rage. Rage is the true test against love. You know that two people care about each other more than they do themselves when they get into a fight that should break them apart, and they do...for a time. But they ultimately find themselves back to each other. Everyone fights...everyone argues yet we have to rise above that rage that dwells inside our hearts in those moments.

Really, it comes down to motives (yes another common theme). Emotions are all about motives. Rage can only take place if you love yourself more than you love those around you. I know this sounds harsh but I see no way around it.
 
At the end of the day, emotions will always be about control. Willpower is at the center of the spectrum because it's what brings everything else together. When you love someone, will is what causes you to act out on it. When you feel that rage toward someone who hurt you, will is what suppresses the fury and gives you balance.

All it takes is some control and balance in order for survival to take place. Everyone has in them the strength and will to make it through the day. The only question is whether or not they're willing to accept the responsibility of acting selflessly.

As always, it's about the decisions you make that create who you are. You can choose to live wisely or you can choose to live poorly.

It's your call.

Who do you want to be?

-Chris "Highball" Peters

Next up will be an exciting conversation...We get Fear and Hope. Two of my favorite topics. But until then, I'm always up for dialog.

Opposing Forces: Avarice and Compassion

"If there is any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not deter or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again."
-William Penn

In my previous entry I stated that I would be talking about the Emotional Spectrum in my next entries. Today, the topic of avarice and compassion have been on my mind, given that I feel they are the opposites of each other.

The Emotional spectrum is an idea formed by Geoff Johns through a popular comic series in which certain emotions power different groups of people. There are negative emotions and there are positive ones. But each one interacts with each other in impacting ways. So let's start by defining our two emotions:

• Avarice (Greed): Excessive or inordinate desire of gain; greediness after wealth; covetousness; cupidity; Inordinate desire to acquire or possess more than one needs or deserves...
• Compassion: a deep awareness of and sympathy for another's suffering; the humane quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it. 

It should be pretty easy to see the difference between the two of these. Avarice is about what you can do for yourself, whereas compassion is about what you can do for others.

I've seen greed drive so many people to do extremely selfish things and it's terrible to imagine that's the world we live in. I would love to blame American society for greed, but let's face it, humanity hasn't changed much. We are driven by the same instinctive desires as our ancestors and have to deal with them the same way as they did.

I can understand why people want to possess more, there's a lot of amazing things out there! Technology has come such a long way and it's remarkable how much we have progressed throughout the years. I think it's natural to want something. A part of story is being goal oriented. Without goals, how would we have direction?

The key thing to remember when it comes to wanting something is:

What are your motives? Why do you want _____________?

At the center of the emotional spectrum lies will. The will to act is one of the key ingredients into controlling your emotions and finding balance in life. A lot of people (mainly Christians) would scoff at the idea of willpower. I don't.

I think it's important to remember that we have designed with tools and abilities to overcome our emotional struggles. In the case of avarice it's as simple as ignoring the desires that are self serving. It's difficult, especially when someone you know has what you want. Envy is dangerous and destructive. It eats at you until you lose yourself in your desire, and you forget why you wanted it in the first place.

The truth of the matter is that maybe in the beginning your motives were pure.

"Man if I had this _____________ maybe, just maybe, I could make a different in someone's life"...yet you never acquire what you wished for. You grow a disdain for other people who are better off than you are and even for people that offer up encouragement.

the trick is to fight these desires with a more pure emotions. This is where compassion comes into play. In the past I've talked about the differences between sympathy and empathy. I've stated that sympathy is the right step above pity and that empathy is the pure form of sympathy. Sympathy is simply about loyalty and telling a friend you understand why they feel the way they do. Empathy is actually putting yourself in their shoes and feeling what they feel.

However, compassion, is wanting to do something to help those you now feel for. It's a step by step process that ends with action. You have to arrive at the understanding that you must strive to look out for the needs of others.

Compassion is one of the rarest emotions in humanity. In fact, we suffer from not having enough of it. Greed has overpowered it for far too long and it's heartbreaking.  I've often written about how selfishness must turn into selflessness in order for growth to take place. This goes hand in hand with the ideas surrounding compassion.

I focus on the individual because the whole will change if individuals become...well, individual. Knowing who you are is important in order to shine your light. Everyone needs to receive compassion and everyone needs to give it. The more compassion you show for others the closer you become to finding who you are. Compassion breeds identity. 

At the end of the day, you have to decide who you are going to be. I'm convinced that life doesn't truly begin until you decide to put away your selfish desires and start living for the people around you. It starts with compassion and ends with inspiring hope. Compassion seems meaningless if other people don't take the hint and find it in their own hearts. A domino effect needs to occur if change is to take place in the lives you touch.

As I've stated, willpower is at the center of the spectrum. Without it there is no control and no balance. Where you acquire the will to act is completely up to what you believe in and what you hope for. Even compassion can have a negative impact on you if you're not careful with what you give away. Sometimes you can give and give and give until there's nothing left for you to give.

Soul care is important which is why you must find balance. I believe C.S. Lewis was the one who said that an extreme of anything is a bad thing. Even compassion has its limits.

Let me encourage you with this: Live so that others may see how its done. If we focus on the helping those in need, our problems will become easier to handle and our fear will be easier to overcome.

Chris "Highball" Peters

Next up: Opposing Forces: Rage and Love

Will To Stand

"My thoughts and emotions shift. My body aches. My soul does not. I'm finally thinking clearly. I'm finally thinking like me...No more fear. But plenty of damn will. Will to stand up. Will to fight. And Will to live."

-Hal Jordan

I've said in the past that I have this romantic notion of heroism and I've also opened up discussions of fear quite often. The thing is, fear has far too much control over our actions than it should and until we all find a way to get over fear I won't stop writing about it.

Yet I don't think that's ever going to happen, because fear doesn't work that way. To overcome fear once is a wonderful first step but it won't stop there. Fear is not eradicated but pushed back. When you overcome something that first time it doesn't make you automatically unafraid in the future, it just makes it easier to overcome the next time it comes around.

For those looking for a biblical perspective, the bible says that, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..."

Say what you will, but we are incapable of perfect love on our own. That doesn't mean we stop striving to grasp it, it just means that we may have to work harder than most Christians would lead you to believe.

I believe that at the heart of every human is a desire to be better. It's a drive that can be healthy and dangerous because also at the heart of every human is a desire to be self-serving. Becoming better for one man might have him taking care of those who can't do so themselves, while for another it might mean seeking fortune and glory.

Emotions are a powerful source of strength yet need to be harnessed correctly. Balance is necessary in controlling yourself.

When I become emotional, I tend to internalize. I don't want people to be able to read me so I bottle it up. It used to break my heart doing this, until I found a group of friends I could trust to release my emotions with. I don't do so with a crutch mindset, I've just allowed these people to see my heart.

The emotional spectrum is vast, but some of the basic emotions have been labeled by Geoff Johns quite well in a series called Blackest Night.

We have avarice, rage, fear, hope, love, compassion, and at the center of it all lies will. No one is free of feeling, no matter how internal they have become. They all feed off of each other, where some act in perfect harmony with each other while some clash.

The negative side of the spectrum (avarice, rage, fear) are all considered weaknesses. When we act out in fear or anger or greed we're looked at as cowards. When we act in love, hope or with compassion we're looked at as noble heroes.

I know in the past I've stated that I have a plan to write about a certain set of ideas and then never followed through but this time I'm going to do my best to continue this discussion of the emotional spectrum and why will is key in understanding and controlling each of them.

It's time for rebirth, a pledge I've made and am striving for. 

I invite you along for the journey and hope to see something amazing rise from the adventure.

-Chris "Highball" Peters

(If you catch the reference not only will you call me a nerd but I'll also be impressed)

By Your Side

"You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that’s the sad truth. Maybe they’ll break your heart, maybe you’ll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself the same way. Those are the risks. That’s the burden.
Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens which allow us to fly."

-Dr. Temperance Brennan (Bones)

Love.

It's truly a remarkable emotion. I use the word emotion very lightly because it's much more than that. Love has caused a lot of things, from freedom to pain.

Love is probably the most powerful thing in the world. What else could drive a man to insanity over a woman, yet allow a father to sacrifice himself for his son (made up scenario inspired by John Q)?

Love is very controversial. It can cause bitterness, jadedness, and sometimes hatred toward others.

Love allows for people to be open. It calls for believing in others and hopefully they'll believe in you as well.

Are we capable of having true love for someone else?

Stories have told us that it's real. Whether you read it in Twilight or watch The Princess Bride it's a selling point for many great stories (I'm not saying Twilight is great, it's just what the kids like nowadays so I'm maintaining relevancy).  True love is brought up because you and I desire to know it. We wish to feel it and call it home.

That's why romantic comedies are a huge genre (it's just the new term for a chick-flick). People want to see stories where Guy A finds his 'soul-mate' in Girl B. They want to know that there is hope for them. I know I've had those feelings before and most people are afraid to admit that.

For someone who is single, the idea that he/she was made for another person and vice versa, is hard to see. After miles of disappointment and failure that becomes all they know. When you open yourself up for love and you're heart continuously gets crushed, failure becomes routine.

Love destroys lives.

But that's not all it does. It also has the capacity to free us. It has this amazing ability to allow us to, as Bones put it, fly. Love allows us to feel apart of something greater than what we see in front of us.

Is it worth it?

I think we all can agree that love is tricky.

I don't believe in soul-mates. I think that the whole idea seems all too 'fictiony' for me. It's this romanticized notion that you won't be complete until you meet a certain someone.

Who you are is and never will be who you are when you're in a relationship. I know too many couples that are identified by the relationship and not about the individuals. Those relationships are doomed to fail, because it's really not wrapped up in true love.

Loving someone is about accepting them for who they are. Sure there's a level of compromise involved in relationships but you can never give up yourself completely (in a negative way, change can be good if you are in fact someone who needs to be changed) for someone else.

With that said, I have a warped view. I've never been in a dating relationship. Most of the people who read this are aware of this, and I've been told that I can't understand love then.

Maybe they're right. Maybe everything I"m writing right now is simply conjecture. Maybe I have no right to have thoughts on the subject.

I know what love is. I know what it means to care about others more than for myself and to say it's different when it involves a woman only makes sense to an extent. No, I've never been 'in love' with a girl before. But there are things I am in love with and I know that's different but it's still real.

At the end of the day, love is about sacrifice. Love is about taking care of other's needs before your own. Love is about feeling as well as doing. We are all meant to love, even those who do not share our calling. It is designed within us, and whether you show it through romance or sacrifice for others, it's still the driving force that allows for so many people to sprout wings.

Our hearts yearn to be free. Love helps break the chains that keep us grounded. Were the Beatles onto something when they sang, "All we need is love..."

Maybe...maybe not.

I don't think that all we need is love, but that's another conversation entirely so for now I leave you with this: 

True love exists and we are all capable of finding it. The journey is hard and difficult, but in the end it'll be worth it. Sure you can hope for a better future, but find a way to make that future become a reality. Do everything within your power to make the future happen, then everything else will fall into place the way it's supposed to.

-Chris

A Heart's Mistake

"Should've held my ground
I could've been redeemed
For every second chance
That changed its mind on me,
I should've spoken up
I should've proudly claimed
That oh my head's to blame
For all my hearts mistakes..."

It's amazing to me how everyone is so different. There are people who run off of emotions and those who are grounded in strict logic. Those who are emotionally driven would compare the logical ones to intellectual robots whereas the converse would liken the others to irrational individuals.

Logical people think everything through and try to objectively weigh out their options in life. They do not allow how they feel to cloud their judgment during a situation. They don't let emotions get in the way of anything. Logical people have multiple scenarios planned out in their mind depending on all outcomes in life.

Those driven by emotions are just the opposite. If something doesn't feel right, they won't do it. In the same manner, if it does feel right, they will do it. They act impulsively and make, what some would call, rash decisions. This breed lives day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

Why think about the future when we can be so caught up in the present?

If you know me even a little, you may have an idea where I'm going with this. I believe that in life, moderation is key. There has to be a balance between logic and feelings. You'll hear me say all the time that I trust my gut. My instincts will scream out and warn me of danger yet at the same time on occasion my head will tell me to think something through before rushing in guns a blazing.

I think the problem with living one way or the other is that at the end of the day we need both in order to survive. Both emotions and logic have the capacity to betray you.

Off the top of my head, I can think of two separate people who can be identified by each of these labels. My logical friend is all about explanation. His drive for knowledge is unshakable. I've met very few people who are smarter than this individual, yet at the same time I find it hard to believe he's capable of relating to people of "lesser intelligence."

My emotionally driven friend is just the opposite. He allows his feelings to overwhelm him and ultimately bring him down. While searching for answers he will, in a way, bleed on those around them and unintentionally hurt them while simply trying to get them to sympathize with him. How he treats people depends on what kind of mood he is in.

I know that I sound harsh in regards to the emotionally driven people, but the truth is, they are connected to their emotions and I envy them. Granted, you have to control how you feel, otherwise you're going to be a walking mood swing, but in the end you have to remember who you are and how you feel.

As I mentioned earlier, balance is important and you cannot allow your emotions to control you! I know it is difficult to be in control, but with willpower at the center of it all, control can be accomplished among the complete emotional spectrum (insert shout out to Geoff Johns here).

Don't let your brain inform your heart on what your heart should be professional on and vice versa. Find a way for both to work together, because separately, they'll never be able to help you connect with others, but together they'll make you strong enough to understanding empathy, thoughtfulness, and tact.

-Chris Peters

Heartfelt Turns

"when you find your castle on the hill
with the bars on the windows
will you burn the bridge behind you
will you ever come out and see the sun again
or will you hide
and now how long has it been
since you've seen the light"
-Eighties (Lifehouse)

Have you ever found yourself in a moment where your tongue was tied?

You just start speaking what comes to mind and only moments later you whisper to yourself, "I've made a huge mistake..."

Foot in mouth disease is far more common than most ailments. I think that at one point or time in our lives, we have decided individually that we've arrived to where we need to be and have everything figured out.

The fact of the matter is this...you'll never arrive as long as you're alive.

I've been working on the topic of "Discovery and Journey". In the near future I plan on writing about the one person, thing, or idea that everybody is searching for no matter where they are at in life.

For the next few weeks I'll be focusing on our lives and the journey we must  take in order to find fulfillment and satisfaction. It's a difficult one that leaves cause for a lot of blood, sweat, and even more tears.

It begins right now and with anybody willing to start over. It's about a pursuit for something bigger than yourself.

Back to my original point I was starting to make...lately, it feels as though I've been kicking myself over making stupid statements to certain people in my life. Maybe I'm speaking out of insecurity and just an all around need to feel accepted by those I respect and love; but regardless, I'm starting to understand the need for people to like you.

I've never been one to want to be loved by everyone, and I'm still a proponent to the fact that you shouldn't care what others think about you...but only if you are attempting to be the absolute best version of yourself.

You can't win everyone over, which makes it hard when you really want someone to like you. There are a few options to making things work.

You could:

1. Give up.

2. Cower behind your doubt.

3. Run away.

4. Face yourself.

I'd say option 4 will be the most rewarding experience, because even if it breaks you to pursue something or someone, in the end, you'll be able to walk around with your back straight and head up high.

So between now and my next entry, I wish to invite you along with me as we discover what it means to live together and hurt together. It's okay to bleed along the way, as long as only a few close friends are there to bandage you up.

It's time to grow.

It's time to live.

It's time for Rebirth.

-Christopher Peters

Hurry Up and Wait

"If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate..."

-Look After You - The Fray

There are always going to be times in life where you find yourself alone and afraid. Maybe someone hurt you and there's this constant reminder of the pain, or maybe you don't need a reminder to help you remember what you or that person did.

Life has a way of keeping you on the ground. There are these moments that separate you from strength and it's often hard to find your way back to who you are. Situations start take a toll, and you become lost inside of a whirlwind of hurt that you tried so hard to avoid.

I've said in the past that pain is essential and a natural part of growth. From the weight lifter dealing with muscle pain to the teenager having growing pains (show me that smile...), pain happens.

I may be rehashing an old conversation, but it feels right to start it over. Your identity is very important. Who you are is who you become in your worst of circumstances.

It's on our knees that we can finally check the mirror to see who we've become. Who you are in your worst nightmares can be the strongest reflection of your true character.

When we are wounded, it seems natural to latch onto those around us. We grab our megaphones and scream at the top of our lungs, "DOES ANYBODY SEE ME?!?!"

Then in a low whisper...

"Can anyone help me? I need you to see that I'm hurting..."

We have a tendency to bleed on those around us. 

Open wounds are hard to recover from. Sometimes it's hard to see past the bandage to notice that the healing process is working. Healing takes time. Healing, as crazy as it may sound, can hurt worse than what caused the injury in the first place.

So where does that leave us?

At the end of the day, it's about smiling. It's not about removing memories or pain from your life, but accepting them as a part of you. It can't simply be about all of the good things that are thrown our way, there has to be room for the bad as well.

What's the cure?

Endure. Some people won't understand potential beatings you may have to take but that's probably the point. You have to make the choice that most people are too afraid or stubborn to make-the right choice.

Endurance allows for our hearts to sprout wings. I'm sure the metaphor has been used before but in our finest moments we will have learned how to fly because of all the times the wind wouldn't take.

Remember the hurt and constantly remind yourself who you are. Defeat leaves scars but victory can cleanse the soul.

For more thoughts on Pain and Healing check out my old entries:

The Cure For Pain


Are We Human?