A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

This is a book critique I wrote for a class this past semester about a book by Donald Miller. I was going to write on the same subject but felt that I had said most of it through this paper so let me know what you think.

            Many people have attempted to discover the formula that will have them lead a purpose driven life. Whether it is through self-help books or a sermon, throughout the years, certain individuals have claimed to know the trick behind this meaningful lifestyle. Donald Miller, a man of controversial stature, makes no such claim yet offers a solution better than many men before him have proposed. According to Miller, a life of meaning can simply be reached by treating it as a story. Everyone’s life is a story that connects to others with the potential of meeting in a head-on collision.

             

           The theme of this book is simple. It is story. Miller writes personal stories that, on the surface do not seem to connect yet find a way toward each other by the end of the book. His style is personal, almost as if he is talking directly to each individual reader who happened to pick up his book. It feels as if he is having a conversation with a close friend rather than writing to a complete stranger. This enables Miller to be more open about his failures and short comings and this book spends a lot of time on those subjects. The subtitle of the book is a great synopsis, “What I learned while editing my life.”

           

           After writing a book that sold a lot of copies (Blue Like Jazz), Independent Filmmakers approached Donald Miller about making a movie based off of his book. They met and as they began to write together, Miller discovered his life was stale. After researching storytelling, through his new friends, the filmmakers, and a man by the name of Robert McKee, Miller began to incorporate what he learned about shaping story and characters into his own life, allowing him to find satisfaction in ways he’d never felt before.

           

          A good story can be summed up simply by the words of Miller’s friend who joined him at a conference held by the famous screenwriting champion, Robert McKee. Together, they came up with, “A story is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it”.

The sentence's structure is raw yet captures the essence of what story is truly about. The life of an individual can be looked at in a similar way. Stories are made up of people trying to fight for a cause or reaching goals. Goals are always the same. They can range from finding romance to someone going after his or her dream job. Goals are the reason humanity does what it does. Goals give people purpose. Boring lives become a reality when people give up on their dreams. Dreams inspire goal-driven lifestyles. People find that life is meaningless when they think the risk is too great a cost to trade for their comfort.

Miller writes about the impact of powerful stories that meet up with boring people. Throughout his journey, he hikes an incredible trail overseas, kayaks across a river for days, and rides a bike clear across the United States, all of which he did without being in fantastic shape. Each adventure held a different motivation to accomplish, yet he defied great odds to make them all happen and met incredible people along the way. During his hiking trip he developed a relationship with a woman who later became his girlfriend, and they shared a deeply meaningful relationship. As he journeyed down the river, he and his friends met a man who has written over five hundred pages of his own memories. His name is Bob, and he stresses the importance of memories and how they are capable of shaping one’s character.

A key ingredient in getting a story moving along is known as the inciting incident. The inciting incident is what forces the main character of a story into action. It makes the protagonist question the status quo or causes a young space farmer to challenge a corrupt government. The inciting incident takes shape in reality through various forms. It can happen through social injustice, an unpopular law enacted by the government, bigotry, a weaker child being beaten on by a bully, or even a false accusation. The list is enormous and different from person to person but what remains the same is that most people refuse to act. It is why so many people in the United States are comfortable with obesity. They know what they need to do in order to lose weight, yet they choose to stay the same because the level of difficulty is not worth the risk of missing out on delightful foods such as fried chicken and ice-cream. Obesity is a subject throughout Miller’s book because at the beginning of his story he was fat, but by the end after he took that first step toward telling a good story, he lost weight and is in decent shape today because of it.

Nothing in this world worth having comes without a price. Sacrifice and risk are essential elements to telling a good story. Who is going to watch a movie or read a book about a man who wakes up, goes to work, comes home from work, and goes to bed? The only way people will watch or read this story is if a beautiful woman wakes him up telling him his life is about to change or on his way home from work a man fires a weapon at him and he narrowly escapes death. Conflict is what creates an interesting story.  Without conflict everyone would just get what they want without truly gaining anything.

Lessons are not learned from achieving what is yearned for. Lessons are learned through the process and steps that were taken to get it. When the destination is reached, people get what they want but what they needed all along is discovered through the journey that brought them to that place. The fact of the matter is, people are searching for meaning and often lose themselves on the path to finding it. People find religion then decide it is not logical so they move onto a quest for knowledge rather than faith. It happens the other way around as well. C.S. Lewis was essentially talked into conversion and become one of the strongest Christian voices of his time.

Something that is often overlooked about history is that it is one large continuing story. Many will grumble and complain because history is all fact and statistics but realistically speaking, it is about characters that wanted something and overcame great conflict in order to get it. The same can be said about the Bible. It is full of what could be random stories but they all somehow intertwine because of a caring God and His son Jesus who overcame the greatest conflict to get what he wanted. His goal was freedom for all of humanity willing to accept it. His conflict is humanities greatest foe, its sin. His story is, to this day, the most powerful one to tell and connects all other stories.

The most heart and gut-wrenching moment of Miller’s book comes from his story of meeting his father. He grew up without many memories of his father and through his ideas of living a more meaningful story, decided to look into the whereabouts of his dad. He did and found out that his father died a few years earlier. He went on his hiking trip and came back and received a phone call from his mother, who told him that she talked to his father and that he really wanted to meet him. Miller was confused and not relieved. He had finally gotten used to the fact that his father was dead and he would never have to confront him about anything and with a slap in the face by the hand of reality old emotions and insecurities began to race back through his mind and heart.

He met with his father and overcame what was causing some of the greatest conflict in his life. Insecurity comes from the fear of mediocrity. It is all about us thinking we will not ever amount to more than what we see in the mirror. Insecurities fight the inciting incident. They keep destiny at a standstill, corrupting hope, faith, and will. The problem with this is that most people think that their own insecurities are a part of who they are so they accept them rather than fight them. Acceptance is the first step toward defeat. The minute a man or woman wants to make a situation work even though it is an unjust one is the same moment that man or woman becomes lost.

At the end of the day, people crave change. They have this innate desire to make something of their lives, but cannot cross the line into the realm of discomfort and uncertainty. Miller’s motivation behind writing this book was to inspire. More than likely, he would be okay if someone reading his book felt guilty because of their mediocre lifestyle. Guilt is an inciting incident. It is what sparks the imagination and makes great people out of good people. A true artist will not tell the world that his or her way is the only way but that it is one way to make a difference.

Toward the end of the book, Miller claims that before he made his life a good story worth telling he had become a fatalist. He sounded more like Solomon claiming that meaning could not be found because life is meaningless. He shows regret toward his past mindset but makes up for it by supporting many organizations and mentor groups across the country. He found purpose and put a plan into motion that would not only change his life but many who come into contact with him every day. He has some amazing stories to tell people and one can imagine that he does so with passion.

The man Bob who wrote over five hundred pages of memories had great character. He did not just write what he felt or about how his day went, he wrote his story of everyone he met and touched his family’s life. Bob had met dignitaries from across the world and even inspired an annual parade in his neighborhood. He is as common as a man can be yet what sets him apart from the rest is that his life is a story worth sharing. Bob’s legacy lives on in the pages of Miller’s book. His story has now been, briefly, shared with thousands of readers across the nation and maybe the world.

All it takes to make something happen is movement. Christians need to start look to God as a master storyteller. God is the connecting point in everyone’s story. Not everyone will come to know God, but everyone will at one point in their life try searching for Him. As creation, people need to know of their creator. Monks search in solitude, explorers become pilgrims as they journey through air, sea, land, and even space, while others sit in their corner of the world and write their story by living purposefully and joyfully.

Personal Connections

             

I have never been a fan of Donald Miller. I started reading Blue Like Jazz one time and felt that it was a man simply complaining about what annoys him. So I was reluctant to read A Million Miles until I discovered it was about story. Story fascinates me, and I hope to become a great storyteller one day, through my own story and through the stories of the characters I create and give life through fiction. You don’t have to have a life changing event occur in order for your story to find meaning. All it takes is a step out of your front door, holding God close to your heart, and an indomitable will. Meaning is just waiting for you to grab it, so reach out and make something of yourself. The message of this book is simple and confusing because we (people in general) do not know what it means to be somebody. Blending in is comfortable. Being like everyone else is easy. I no longer wish to live a life like those poor timid souls unwilling to change. I plan on living a story worth telling, and invite anyone else along for the ride that is willing to join in on the adventure.

Opposing Forces: Fear and Hope

What is your deepest fear?

This is a question I often ask people. Fear is something we never want to admit we have yet it has a way of finding itself seeping into our very thoughts and even our feelings. Fear consumes. It drives us to hating those around us and eventually hating ourselves. We hate ourselves because we’re the root of the problem. Somewhere along the way we lost our very being to a monster that wants all of us.

What is my deepest fear?

Being alone. Never fulfilling my calling. Mediocrity. Settling for less than necessary.

I’m afraid of a lot of things.

Living fearless is not about having nothing to be afraid of…living fearless is about overcoming your greatest fears.

Hope is a powerful force. Hope keeps our eyes on the horizon. The only thing is…hope can also be as paralyzing as fear. This is where we find chaos throughout the emotional spectrum. This is where everything collides and we find balance because without it we are left in turmoil.

Hope needs will to operate correctly. Without will, our hopes are in vain.

Hope is very important and ultimately pivotal in living a balanced life. The problem is that once we start to put our hopes in too many sources we start to spread them thin. Hope is only powerful if it is placed in the correct hands.

A TV show I love taught me a way to look at it. A character is asked about her faith and what sets her apart from others that share her faith. Her response is, “I Hope in as few ways as possible.”

In regards to hope and fear being opposing forces…fear focuses us on the past but hope gears our brains toward the future.

Fear keeps us grounded in pain whereas hope gives our wings flight.

Oftentimes, hope gives us second wind through moments of doubt. Doubtful moments breed fear. Emotional circumstances are about escalation. The initial feeling of fear will not break you, it is when you let it grab a hold of your will and let it take control that causes destruction.

In the past I’ve drawn an example that hope is like a band-aid. A band-aid covers up an injury allowing it time to heal. The bandage itself does nothing but cover your eyes to what is happening (yeah it does protect but for the sake of my example bear with me). Every now and then you’ll peel back the band-aid in order to check on the process but otherwise you won’t pay much attention to it and why is that?

Because you expect it to get better on its own without your help. This is the definition of hope.

In the end, Love cannot exist without hope; compassion cannot exist without love. Starting to see the pattern?

The emotional spectrum is vast and many more emotions exist outside of the ones I have mentioned. Willpower is at the center of it all. If you haven’t caught on, willpower is simply self-control and I think you’d agree with me in the fact that it sounds more adventurous calling it willpower.

If we can control our emotions we will have balance and that is what ultimately matters.

If you have control over your emotions you have control over your hearts reaction to situations. It will allow you to cope when things go wrong because you can never stop that from happening. What you can do is have the willpower necessary to make sure you do not overreact…through greed, rage, or fear but instead reach with compassion, love or hope.

   Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

- by Marianne Williamson

Opposing Forces: Rage and Love

I have been avoiding this entry for a while because after I posted my previous one I realized that this is the least interesting to me of the series. The thing is, love is far too broad of a topic to cover and could cause confusion since I'm looking at it strictly from an emotional perspective. So I need to clarify this all upfront, if I say anything that seems offbeat in regards to love it may because I'm only looking at the surface of the issue rather than diving deep into truly defining the word.

The purpose of Northern Light(s) as a whole was to dive more into relationships between each other and how we can develop them better. My ultimate goal is to ask questions rather than answer them.

Let's focus on rage first. There are two different definitions I came across I wish to look at:

1. Fury, A state of extreme anger.
2.  Something that is desired intensely.

As I stated in my previous entry, greed, rage, and fear are all self-based emotions. Rage is the extreme step above anger and both emotions are felt, mostly, when you have been wronged in some way.

Anger is often a justified feeling since it often comes out of betrayal or pain that others have inflicted upon you. Rage is what happens when you allow anger to intensify after internalizing your feelings towards those who have done something bad to you. Essentially what happens is you get hurt, you let that emotion of hurt turn into anger, and then after letting it sit for a little while rage takes control of your heart.

Often friends help your rage grow. 

"Wow, I can't believe they did that to you." 

Or my personal favorite heartless comforting phrase:

"Don't worry, they'll get it in the end."

Rage is one of the most dangerous emotions along the spectrum because it clouds your judgment and consumes your mind. You develop tunnel-vision and become focused on thoughts of revenge or even hatred. All you see is your own pain.

An obvious cure for rage would seem to be a loving spirit and it is. Love is on the opposite side of the spectrum. Love is pure and ultimately selfless in comparison to rage. The only problem with love is when it often crosses the line toward something else which people tend to hide behind. Many have done selfish things hiding behind love when it was really lust, among other things. 

You see, something people fail to realize about love is that's it is more about what you can do for others than it is about what can be done for you.

The common theme amongst the positive side of the spectrum is that they are selfless, but what people fail to realize is that sometimes even the purest of emotions can be manipulated for personal gain. Love is the one most commonly manipulated. People utilize others abilities to connect to their emotions for their own gain all the time. Whether a homeless man plays off of someone's compassion to pan-handle (not all pan-handlers are bad but I've heard some dangerous stories!) or a teenage boy convinces a girl he's in love with her to get in her pants, manipulation happens.

Love can be defined as: a strong positive emotion of regard and affection.

I stated that love is more about what you do for others than you do for yourself and that transcends simple romantic love (not that this is a simple topic). It is also true for all of your relationships. I'm convinced that the love you share with your friends is one of the most powerful emotional connections there is. Let me explain:

You're born into your family and there's an automatic emotional connection made through the fact that you're of the same flesh and blood. Your parents raise you and your brothers and sisters annoy you, but you all, for some reason, care about each other through a strong connection (obviously there are certain scenarios that negate this, but I imagine there's a connection regardless of poor parental involvement).

Also, when it comes to a romantic connection there are obvious reasons for them being made. You meet someone of the opposite sex. You fall in love with them. You connect at a deep emotional level that is almost symbiotic since the two of you are so different from each other but sacrifice so much so the two of you can be together. Finally, through marriage or other methods, you connect physically as the maker intended (imagine that being said with an Irish accent, it just feels right).

Now to my long-winded point. The reason friendship connections are so strong is that there is nothing previously there that motivates us to make them happen nor is there the promise of that physical/emotional relationship in the future. You're just a couple of people with like minds and hearts who learn to love each other by association. You share your dreams and develop a sense of destiny together.

I realize that not all friendships take that kind of a turn, but I'll be honest, my closest friends have allowed me to feel a sense of purpose in my loneliest hours. They have helped me find strength I wasn't aware existed and for that I am more than grateful.

I love my friends.

Sure, they make me angry at times but the love we share is more powerful than the potential rage. Rage is the true test against love. You know that two people care about each other more than they do themselves when they get into a fight that should break them apart, and they do...for a time. But they ultimately find themselves back to each other. Everyone fights...everyone argues yet we have to rise above that rage that dwells inside our hearts in those moments.

Really, it comes down to motives (yes another common theme). Emotions are all about motives. Rage can only take place if you love yourself more than you love those around you. I know this sounds harsh but I see no way around it.
 
At the end of the day, emotions will always be about control. Willpower is at the center of the spectrum because it's what brings everything else together. When you love someone, will is what causes you to act out on it. When you feel that rage toward someone who hurt you, will is what suppresses the fury and gives you balance.

All it takes is some control and balance in order for survival to take place. Everyone has in them the strength and will to make it through the day. The only question is whether or not they're willing to accept the responsibility of acting selflessly.

As always, it's about the decisions you make that create who you are. You can choose to live wisely or you can choose to live poorly.

It's your call.

Who do you want to be?

-Chris "Highball" Peters

Next up will be an exciting conversation...We get Fear and Hope. Two of my favorite topics. But until then, I'm always up for dialog.

Opposing Forces: Avarice and Compassion

"If there is any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not deter or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again."
-William Penn

In my previous entry I stated that I would be talking about the Emotional Spectrum in my next entries. Today, the topic of avarice and compassion have been on my mind, given that I feel they are the opposites of each other.

The Emotional spectrum is an idea formed by Geoff Johns through a popular comic series in which certain emotions power different groups of people. There are negative emotions and there are positive ones. But each one interacts with each other in impacting ways. So let's start by defining our two emotions:

• Avarice (Greed): Excessive or inordinate desire of gain; greediness after wealth; covetousness; cupidity; Inordinate desire to acquire or possess more than one needs or deserves...
• Compassion: a deep awareness of and sympathy for another's suffering; the humane quality of understanding the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it. 

It should be pretty easy to see the difference between the two of these. Avarice is about what you can do for yourself, whereas compassion is about what you can do for others.

I've seen greed drive so many people to do extremely selfish things and it's terrible to imagine that's the world we live in. I would love to blame American society for greed, but let's face it, humanity hasn't changed much. We are driven by the same instinctive desires as our ancestors and have to deal with them the same way as they did.

I can understand why people want to possess more, there's a lot of amazing things out there! Technology has come such a long way and it's remarkable how much we have progressed throughout the years. I think it's natural to want something. A part of story is being goal oriented. Without goals, how would we have direction?

The key thing to remember when it comes to wanting something is:

What are your motives? Why do you want _____________?

At the center of the emotional spectrum lies will. The will to act is one of the key ingredients into controlling your emotions and finding balance in life. A lot of people (mainly Christians) would scoff at the idea of willpower. I don't.

I think it's important to remember that we have designed with tools and abilities to overcome our emotional struggles. In the case of avarice it's as simple as ignoring the desires that are self serving. It's difficult, especially when someone you know has what you want. Envy is dangerous and destructive. It eats at you until you lose yourself in your desire, and you forget why you wanted it in the first place.

The truth of the matter is that maybe in the beginning your motives were pure.

"Man if I had this _____________ maybe, just maybe, I could make a different in someone's life"...yet you never acquire what you wished for. You grow a disdain for other people who are better off than you are and even for people that offer up encouragement.

the trick is to fight these desires with a more pure emotions. This is where compassion comes into play. In the past I've talked about the differences between sympathy and empathy. I've stated that sympathy is the right step above pity and that empathy is the pure form of sympathy. Sympathy is simply about loyalty and telling a friend you understand why they feel the way they do. Empathy is actually putting yourself in their shoes and feeling what they feel.

However, compassion, is wanting to do something to help those you now feel for. It's a step by step process that ends with action. You have to arrive at the understanding that you must strive to look out for the needs of others.

Compassion is one of the rarest emotions in humanity. In fact, we suffer from not having enough of it. Greed has overpowered it for far too long and it's heartbreaking.  I've often written about how selfishness must turn into selflessness in order for growth to take place. This goes hand in hand with the ideas surrounding compassion.

I focus on the individual because the whole will change if individuals become...well, individual. Knowing who you are is important in order to shine your light. Everyone needs to receive compassion and everyone needs to give it. The more compassion you show for others the closer you become to finding who you are. Compassion breeds identity. 

At the end of the day, you have to decide who you are going to be. I'm convinced that life doesn't truly begin until you decide to put away your selfish desires and start living for the people around you. It starts with compassion and ends with inspiring hope. Compassion seems meaningless if other people don't take the hint and find it in their own hearts. A domino effect needs to occur if change is to take place in the lives you touch.

As I've stated, willpower is at the center of the spectrum. Without it there is no control and no balance. Where you acquire the will to act is completely up to what you believe in and what you hope for. Even compassion can have a negative impact on you if you're not careful with what you give away. Sometimes you can give and give and give until there's nothing left for you to give.

Soul care is important which is why you must find balance. I believe C.S. Lewis was the one who said that an extreme of anything is a bad thing. Even compassion has its limits.

Let me encourage you with this: Live so that others may see how its done. If we focus on the helping those in need, our problems will become easier to handle and our fear will be easier to overcome.

Chris "Highball" Peters

Next up: Opposing Forces: Rage and Love

Will To Stand

"My thoughts and emotions shift. My body aches. My soul does not. I'm finally thinking clearly. I'm finally thinking like me...No more fear. But plenty of damn will. Will to stand up. Will to fight. And Will to live."

-Hal Jordan

I've said in the past that I have this romantic notion of heroism and I've also opened up discussions of fear quite often. The thing is, fear has far too much control over our actions than it should and until we all find a way to get over fear I won't stop writing about it.

Yet I don't think that's ever going to happen, because fear doesn't work that way. To overcome fear once is a wonderful first step but it won't stop there. Fear is not eradicated but pushed back. When you overcome something that first time it doesn't make you automatically unafraid in the future, it just makes it easier to overcome the next time it comes around.

For those looking for a biblical perspective, the bible says that, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..."

Say what you will, but we are incapable of perfect love on our own. That doesn't mean we stop striving to grasp it, it just means that we may have to work harder than most Christians would lead you to believe.

I believe that at the heart of every human is a desire to be better. It's a drive that can be healthy and dangerous because also at the heart of every human is a desire to be self-serving. Becoming better for one man might have him taking care of those who can't do so themselves, while for another it might mean seeking fortune and glory.

Emotions are a powerful source of strength yet need to be harnessed correctly. Balance is necessary in controlling yourself.

When I become emotional, I tend to internalize. I don't want people to be able to read me so I bottle it up. It used to break my heart doing this, until I found a group of friends I could trust to release my emotions with. I don't do so with a crutch mindset, I've just allowed these people to see my heart.

The emotional spectrum is vast, but some of the basic emotions have been labeled by Geoff Johns quite well in a series called Blackest Night.

We have avarice, rage, fear, hope, love, compassion, and at the center of it all lies will. No one is free of feeling, no matter how internal they have become. They all feed off of each other, where some act in perfect harmony with each other while some clash.

The negative side of the spectrum (avarice, rage, fear) are all considered weaknesses. When we act out in fear or anger or greed we're looked at as cowards. When we act in love, hope or with compassion we're looked at as noble heroes.

I know in the past I've stated that I have a plan to write about a certain set of ideas and then never followed through but this time I'm going to do my best to continue this discussion of the emotional spectrum and why will is key in understanding and controlling each of them.

It's time for rebirth, a pledge I've made and am striving for. 

I invite you along for the journey and hope to see something amazing rise from the adventure.

-Chris "Highball" Peters

(If you catch the reference not only will you call me a nerd but I'll also be impressed)

By Your Side

"You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that’s the sad truth. Maybe they’ll break your heart, maybe you’ll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself the same way. Those are the risks. That’s the burden.
Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens which allow us to fly."

-Dr. Temperance Brennan (Bones)

Love.

It's truly a remarkable emotion. I use the word emotion very lightly because it's much more than that. Love has caused a lot of things, from freedom to pain.

Love is probably the most powerful thing in the world. What else could drive a man to insanity over a woman, yet allow a father to sacrifice himself for his son (made up scenario inspired by John Q)?

Love is very controversial. It can cause bitterness, jadedness, and sometimes hatred toward others.

Love allows for people to be open. It calls for believing in others and hopefully they'll believe in you as well.

Are we capable of having true love for someone else?

Stories have told us that it's real. Whether you read it in Twilight or watch The Princess Bride it's a selling point for many great stories (I'm not saying Twilight is great, it's just what the kids like nowadays so I'm maintaining relevancy).  True love is brought up because you and I desire to know it. We wish to feel it and call it home.

That's why romantic comedies are a huge genre (it's just the new term for a chick-flick). People want to see stories where Guy A finds his 'soul-mate' in Girl B. They want to know that there is hope for them. I know I've had those feelings before and most people are afraid to admit that.

For someone who is single, the idea that he/she was made for another person and vice versa, is hard to see. After miles of disappointment and failure that becomes all they know. When you open yourself up for love and you're heart continuously gets crushed, failure becomes routine.

Love destroys lives.

But that's not all it does. It also has the capacity to free us. It has this amazing ability to allow us to, as Bones put it, fly. Love allows us to feel apart of something greater than what we see in front of us.

Is it worth it?

I think we all can agree that love is tricky.

I don't believe in soul-mates. I think that the whole idea seems all too 'fictiony' for me. It's this romanticized notion that you won't be complete until you meet a certain someone.

Who you are is and never will be who you are when you're in a relationship. I know too many couples that are identified by the relationship and not about the individuals. Those relationships are doomed to fail, because it's really not wrapped up in true love.

Loving someone is about accepting them for who they are. Sure there's a level of compromise involved in relationships but you can never give up yourself completely (in a negative way, change can be good if you are in fact someone who needs to be changed) for someone else.

With that said, I have a warped view. I've never been in a dating relationship. Most of the people who read this are aware of this, and I've been told that I can't understand love then.

Maybe they're right. Maybe everything I"m writing right now is simply conjecture. Maybe I have no right to have thoughts on the subject.

I know what love is. I know what it means to care about others more than for myself and to say it's different when it involves a woman only makes sense to an extent. No, I've never been 'in love' with a girl before. But there are things I am in love with and I know that's different but it's still real.

At the end of the day, love is about sacrifice. Love is about taking care of other's needs before your own. Love is about feeling as well as doing. We are all meant to love, even those who do not share our calling. It is designed within us, and whether you show it through romance or sacrifice for others, it's still the driving force that allows for so many people to sprout wings.

Our hearts yearn to be free. Love helps break the chains that keep us grounded. Were the Beatles onto something when they sang, "All we need is love..."

Maybe...maybe not.

I don't think that all we need is love, but that's another conversation entirely so for now I leave you with this: 

True love exists and we are all capable of finding it. The journey is hard and difficult, but in the end it'll be worth it. Sure you can hope for a better future, but find a way to make that future become a reality. Do everything within your power to make the future happen, then everything else will fall into place the way it's supposed to.

-Chris

A Heart's Mistake

"Should've held my ground
I could've been redeemed
For every second chance
That changed its mind on me,
I should've spoken up
I should've proudly claimed
That oh my head's to blame
For all my hearts mistakes..."

It's amazing to me how everyone is so different. There are people who run off of emotions and those who are grounded in strict logic. Those who are emotionally driven would compare the logical ones to intellectual robots whereas the converse would liken the others to irrational individuals.

Logical people think everything through and try to objectively weigh out their options in life. They do not allow how they feel to cloud their judgment during a situation. They don't let emotions get in the way of anything. Logical people have multiple scenarios planned out in their mind depending on all outcomes in life.

Those driven by emotions are just the opposite. If something doesn't feel right, they won't do it. In the same manner, if it does feel right, they will do it. They act impulsively and make, what some would call, rash decisions. This breed lives day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

Why think about the future when we can be so caught up in the present?

If you know me even a little, you may have an idea where I'm going with this. I believe that in life, moderation is key. There has to be a balance between logic and feelings. You'll hear me say all the time that I trust my gut. My instincts will scream out and warn me of danger yet at the same time on occasion my head will tell me to think something through before rushing in guns a blazing.

I think the problem with living one way or the other is that at the end of the day we need both in order to survive. Both emotions and logic have the capacity to betray you.

Off the top of my head, I can think of two separate people who can be identified by each of these labels. My logical friend is all about explanation. His drive for knowledge is unshakable. I've met very few people who are smarter than this individual, yet at the same time I find it hard to believe he's capable of relating to people of "lesser intelligence."

My emotionally driven friend is just the opposite. He allows his feelings to overwhelm him and ultimately bring him down. While searching for answers he will, in a way, bleed on those around them and unintentionally hurt them while simply trying to get them to sympathize with him. How he treats people depends on what kind of mood he is in.

I know that I sound harsh in regards to the emotionally driven people, but the truth is, they are connected to their emotions and I envy them. Granted, you have to control how you feel, otherwise you're going to be a walking mood swing, but in the end you have to remember who you are and how you feel.

As I mentioned earlier, balance is important and you cannot allow your emotions to control you! I know it is difficult to be in control, but with willpower at the center of it all, control can be accomplished among the complete emotional spectrum (insert shout out to Geoff Johns here).

Don't let your brain inform your heart on what your heart should be professional on and vice versa. Find a way for both to work together, because separately, they'll never be able to help you connect with others, but together they'll make you strong enough to understanding empathy, thoughtfulness, and tact.

-Chris Peters