Unutterable Thoughts

It's been just over a week that I've been back at school for what should be my final semester in Florida. It's great to see how transition works as old friends are no longer gracing us with their presence and new people have taken over, swarming all around. At first it's intimidating to realize that you don't know as many people as you once did but if you're brave, you might see it as a challenge for opportunity and risk. You never know what could happen.

I've always been fascinated with stories about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. I've found myself obsessed with the idea of the round table. I'm currently reading a book called THE ONCE AND FUTURE KING, which is a classic novel following the rise and fall of Arthur Pendragon and his knights of Camelot.

The round table is a symbol for equality and unity. With a rectangular or square table, someone gets a position at the head and everyone else wants to fight for the spots to the right and left of the man in command.

In the times before Arthur, kings and rulers fought for a concept called Might is Right. The strong survive and must push their strength on those around them simply for the fact that they had the power to do so. Arthur didn't like this. Arthur, under the tutelage of Merlyn, came up with a new code.

Might for Right.

The two words have a strong working relationship but not in the way thought of by those that came before Arthur's Camelot. We must utilize our strengths for the right ideas. Whether that be for freedom or religion, God or country, might had to be used for right.

Everyone has a Right to follow. 

Everyone has a purpose.

Arthur's Knight's fought for adventure, romance, quests, for maidens, and treasures. In the end, they did it to spread equality and peace throughout the land. They wanted to stop war.

They wanted to stop injustice.


They wanted freedom.

We live in a society that puts a lot of stock in position. We elect leaders for the purpose of protecting our freedoms yet the position becomes more powerful than what we were dreaming for in the first place. That's not to say that leadership is a bad thing, we need our leaders to stand up for us and rage against injustice and fight for right.

Equality is generally a word saved for conversations about race and gender but it seldom finds its way into the Right conversation. Equality did serve a purpose for racial, gender, and class movements, and there are still issues today that stem from those concepts but it's not the kind of equality I want to discuss right now.

Equal can be defined as:

Being the same in value.

When the word value comes to mind, we hardly think about our value as an individual. We think of money or products or our stuff we own. It's very material based. I don't know this to be true, but if I can be allowed to guess for a moment I have a theory. If you were to look into the minds of ten people, how many would say yes to the question: Do you think you are valuable?

My guess is very few would respond positively. But that's the problem, isn't it? We find value in what we own and what we're good at and our friends, but how many of us actually find value in ourselves? It took me a while to agree with this statement but I've finally come to terms with the fact that who you are is much more important to your identity than what you do.

You could be the best writer in the world and yet be the biggest jerk alive. What do you have to show for that? When we see ourselves as someone with little value we start to build and design a class system for those we interact with everyday. We lose our identity to the idea that we are not equal to those that are better than us. It all started by putting more stock in what you're good at and not who you are.

So it comes down to a question, what do I have to offer the world?

What value do I bring to the table?

The answer lies in your heart. The answer lies in your mind. The answer lies in you.

We can have the biggest dreams in the world and want to accomplish great things for those around us, but if your heart has holes, if your heart is empty, what's the point?

Your story is important. You have a place in this world and should not be discouraged by someone with a greater talent or skill.

Sir Lancelot was the greatest Knight of the Round Table. Every other knight wanted to be half as good as he was if not better. He had favor from the King and the people of Camelot adored him, yet on the inside he was empty. His whole life he devoted himself to being the best knight, and he became it. He devoted himself to an idea, and on the brink of obsession he accomplished his goals, but for what?

He fell in love with the King's wife and eventually had an affair with her. He had no honor left and became nothing. He was driven to madness all because his identity was wrapped up with knighthood and nothing else. Once that fell apart, he had nothing left to live for.

When your identity is stuck in what you do and not in who you are, you eventually will lose everything. You'll gain the entire world which inevitably fades away to dust. All that remains is your soul, but you didn't do anything to fill it with this notion of equality and you definitely were not fighting for

RIGHT.


"They would be at the same time so distant that unutterable thoughts of space and eternity would baffle themselves in his sighing breast,  and he would imagine to himself how he was falling upward higher and higher amongst them, never reaching, never ending, leaving and losing everything in the tranquil speed of space."
-T.H. White

Incipit Liber Primus

“What is the most resilient parasite?”

Have you ever had so many thoughts swirling around in your brain that you almost don’t have enough power to control them?

It’s almost as though these thoughts are pushing their way past the surface and trying to manifest themselves as its own entity.  They become hard to filter making it even more difficult to manage a single thought. 

Some thoughts might be healthy, while others…more destructive.

When an idea takes a hold of your mind it soon grabs onto your very being and wraps your arms into a straight jacket. It won’t let go until you are completely insane over its concepts.

It takes a powerful idea to bring someone to the brink beyond reality.  Thoughts are powerful. Thoughts can create life and yet at the same time destroy it.

Do we have control over what we think?

Do we have control over our minds?

Some have suggested that the mind is like any other muscle in the body. And like your other muscles, it must be exercised and conditioned in order to make it more durable.

We were designed with growth in mind and yet we let our brains become lazy due to inactivity. We coast through life intellectually because somewhere along the way we believed the lies that we weren’t smart enough to think for ourselves.

I think the heart of the issue lies within our fear of the word development. To reiterate an old thought, we live in an expedient society.

We want a quick fix for our problems even if it means placing a band-aid over our wounds rather than doing something to actually heal the ailment in question.

Phrases like: “time heals all wounds” intimidates us to our core all because of that first word. Time is not the only thing to heal all wounds but it is an essential step for the healing process but we are too scared to face our pain and ourselves during that time.

Nothing that is worth having (spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc.) will be given freely or with ease. We have to at some capacity earn what we are after; otherwise, what was the purpose in our pursuit to begin with?

Let us reintroduce development into our vernacular. Allow us to find the strength to press through periods of pain, horror, and dread without ignoring the issues staring us in the face.

To overcome fear and insecurities is only the beginning, but we have this strong desire to jump straight from the beginning of our journey to the end. But every good story has three parts:

A beginning…

                        A middle…

                                                And an end.