It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
Disappointment is a hard feeling to cope with. Whether it be that you're disappointed in someone else or that someone else is disappointed in you, it can really hurt.
It's not just disappointment. You can replace to word with anything that fits for you. Most harsh feelings are hard to deal with.
Problems occur in every relationship. There's no such thing as a perfect one regardless of how great things may seem in your life. Sure you may ignore problems but eventually the water comes to a boiling point.
Moving on.
Why is that so hard?
Most of the time, we can't move on from situations that hurt us, because we haven't let them go. That could mean that someone is holding something over you or it could mean that you're having internal problems that haven't surfaced yet. Normally, it's the second one that takes place but that doesn't negate the first one.
When internal problems do surface, it's as if you run into a brick wall. That wall is reality. Maybe your problems surfaced so that you could face them head on. It's a tough place to have to confront people, it's even harder to have to confront yourself.
You may get to a place where you feel like everything is taken care of, yet you still can't move on.
If you're there, I can't really help you, because timing is the only thing that is holding you back. Timing is something you cannot force into operation or to do something for you.
Quite frankly, time can be my biggest enemy. I'm a fixer. If something is wrong in my life, I have to isolate the problem and take care of it immediately. In a perfect world, I could move on from situations very easily. But this isn't my perfect world. This world has unnecessary factors, such as people.
People, no matter how much you think you get, will always surprise you. We are the most unpredictable of all creation. We have the capacity for endless vanity and selflessness all in the same body.
I have a lot of problems that I have to face one at a time. Sometimes, they can just build up and start knocking me to the ground. I feel a storm coming, which will cause massive emotional and physical pain.
I'd like to say that I'll be able to handle it, but to be completely honest, I don't know how much more I can take.
The thing is, all of the pain I've gone through, from my relationships to physical hurt, I have made it through. I never thought I would and I hoped and prayed that I would never have these problems again.
So here I am again. Stronger. Better. Smarter...Yet I'm weak, mediocre, and stupid, because I'm facing more of the same problems.
My point in saying all of this is not to come off with a low self-esteem, although many will read it that way. What I'm trying to say is that even though I've only lived a short amount of time, a lot of the problems we go through will rehash themselves. They'll take form in a different setting, with different people, but it will be the same you.
I'd love to end this by saying, "Let go and let God." But I don't think that's the end of this. I think that's the beginning because in the end, when it seems like something is ending, normally a greater part of your journey is about to start.
Live with great expectation. Risk in the here and now. Dare to be better.
At the end of the day, your life is yours to live. Trust in that and trust that everything will be okay.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Signal Fire/ Winning Losers
The perfect words never crossed my mind
Cause there was nothing in there but you
I felt every ounce of me screaming out
But the sound was trapped deep in me
All I wanted just sped right past
As I was rooted fast to the Earth
I could be stuck here for a thousand years
Without your arms to drag me out
There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety
-Snow Patrol (Signal Fire)
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a moment and couldn't muster up the strength to pull yourself out of it?
You found yourself frozen, as if everything around you is moving but you're legs are cemented into the ground. No matter how hard you try you just can't look past the moment you are in.
Life has a way of making things difficult for you. It doesn't matter what situation you are in, sometimes it's just going to get tough.
Two years ago I thought my world was falling apart (clearly it didn't) and life was just plain dirty. I felt completely useless and awkward but for what?
I know how ambiguous that sounded, but go ahead and trust the information. I got through those problems and here I am today, much stronger of a person for it.
Shifting gears, something happened recently that really got me thinking.
I had a friend share something she was going through and I asked her if she wanted my advice. Ultimately, I told her to cut and run in regards to what she was struggling through. She basically ignored that, which didn't bother me. Generally, we hear what we want to hear and only take the advice that doesn't contradict what we already thought we should do in the first place. I know I do that.
About a week goes by and I get a text message from this friend. It said "You Won."
First of all, I had no idea what she was talking about. My first thought was that this person was crazy, but regardless I asked her what she meant. She told me that I was right about the situation and she eventually decided to cut and run.
What boggles my mind about the situation is that I never saw it as a game. I never thought that I had to be right in the situation. Honestly, I wish I wasn't right. There is seldom any joy in the aftermath of moments like these.
I just want to encourage everyone and say that sometimes when you are honest with your friends, the outcome will appear to be wrong at first. It will look as though you made a bad decision while handling the situation. Even when your friend turns around and says they should've listened to you, you shouldn't find joy in that. You should empathize and share your friend's pain.
In those moments, you must become a listener and a shoulder to cry on.
At the end of the day, it's about how you want to be seen by those closest to you. Are you willing to sacrifice a need to be right all the time, to share with someone's heartache?
Whether you realize it or not, people remember when you're there for them. If you're strong for them now, one day they'll turn around and return the favor.
Shine on.
-Chris
Cause there was nothing in there but you
I felt every ounce of me screaming out
But the sound was trapped deep in me
All I wanted just sped right past
As I was rooted fast to the Earth
I could be stuck here for a thousand years
Without your arms to drag me out
There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety
-Snow Patrol (Signal Fire)
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a moment and couldn't muster up the strength to pull yourself out of it?
You found yourself frozen, as if everything around you is moving but you're legs are cemented into the ground. No matter how hard you try you just can't look past the moment you are in.
Life has a way of making things difficult for you. It doesn't matter what situation you are in, sometimes it's just going to get tough.
Two years ago I thought my world was falling apart (clearly it didn't) and life was just plain dirty. I felt completely useless and awkward but for what?
I know how ambiguous that sounded, but go ahead and trust the information. I got through those problems and here I am today, much stronger of a person for it.
Shifting gears, something happened recently that really got me thinking.
I had a friend share something she was going through and I asked her if she wanted my advice. Ultimately, I told her to cut and run in regards to what she was struggling through. She basically ignored that, which didn't bother me. Generally, we hear what we want to hear and only take the advice that doesn't contradict what we already thought we should do in the first place. I know I do that.
About a week goes by and I get a text message from this friend. It said "You Won."
First of all, I had no idea what she was talking about. My first thought was that this person was crazy, but regardless I asked her what she meant. She told me that I was right about the situation and she eventually decided to cut and run.
What boggles my mind about the situation is that I never saw it as a game. I never thought that I had to be right in the situation. Honestly, I wish I wasn't right. There is seldom any joy in the aftermath of moments like these.
I just want to encourage everyone and say that sometimes when you are honest with your friends, the outcome will appear to be wrong at first. It will look as though you made a bad decision while handling the situation. Even when your friend turns around and says they should've listened to you, you shouldn't find joy in that. You should empathize and share your friend's pain.
In those moments, you must become a listener and a shoulder to cry on.
At the end of the day, it's about how you want to be seen by those closest to you. Are you willing to sacrifice a need to be right all the time, to share with someone's heartache?
Whether you realize it or not, people remember when you're there for them. If you're strong for them now, one day they'll turn around and return the favor.
Shine on.
-Chris
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Let It All Out
I find it incredible that I can hold onto something for a long time. I'll just be going about my normal business and someone will walk by, reminding me what I don't like about either him/her or just someone that hurt me a long time ago.
I wonder why we do this. Why is it that we can't forgive those who have wronged us?
I think the main reason why it's hard to move on is acceptance. Acceptance is the key to forgiveness.
It's amazing how the two go hand in hand. For example, you ask a friend of yours to be blunt with you and tell them what they really think of you. They do that. Now you're offended. You're mad. You ignore this person to the point that you're not talking anymore, when at the beginning you asked them to be honest.
How can you forgive someone who feels that way about you?
First of all you have to analyze what was said. If they said you're too controlling, take an honest look at yourself. Are you?
If they said that you're too mean. Ask yourself, Am I?
I know these seem very basic, but bare with me. Most of the time the things that are said about us are true, whether we want to admit that or not. The trick is to not let it get you down and move past it as a person. Life is going to get lonely if we take offense to everything negative said about us.
At the end of the day it's about accepting that we may not have everything figured out. It's about giving up control and finding a balance of acceptance and forgiveness.
Not everything negative said about you is going to be true, but you can't let that get in the way of your relationships, even the ones with the people you may or may not like.
Life is too short to let every little thing bother you, but it's not long enough to hold onto the big things either. Sometimes, giving someone an opportunity to let you speak is all that's needed to find forgiveness in your heart. Sometimes, forgiving someone for not giving you a chance to explain yourself is what you need to make it through the day.
Life is full of surprises that God keeps throwing at you. No one is ready for the days ahead, no matter how prepared they say they are.
To forgive is one of the most relieving things a man can do to those who have hurt him. To be forgiven can build friendships you never knew were possible.
In the end, not everyone will forgive you or accept your forgiveness. In those moments, you have to just smile and carry on, even if that means losing something you care about. Even if that means giving up what you want the most.
I wonder why we do this. Why is it that we can't forgive those who have wronged us?
I think the main reason why it's hard to move on is acceptance. Acceptance is the key to forgiveness.
It's amazing how the two go hand in hand. For example, you ask a friend of yours to be blunt with you and tell them what they really think of you. They do that. Now you're offended. You're mad. You ignore this person to the point that you're not talking anymore, when at the beginning you asked them to be honest.
How can you forgive someone who feels that way about you?
First of all you have to analyze what was said. If they said you're too controlling, take an honest look at yourself. Are you?
If they said that you're too mean. Ask yourself, Am I?
I know these seem very basic, but bare with me. Most of the time the things that are said about us are true, whether we want to admit that or not. The trick is to not let it get you down and move past it as a person. Life is going to get lonely if we take offense to everything negative said about us.
At the end of the day it's about accepting that we may not have everything figured out. It's about giving up control and finding a balance of acceptance and forgiveness.
Not everything negative said about you is going to be true, but you can't let that get in the way of your relationships, even the ones with the people you may or may not like.
Life is too short to let every little thing bother you, but it's not long enough to hold onto the big things either. Sometimes, giving someone an opportunity to let you speak is all that's needed to find forgiveness in your heart. Sometimes, forgiving someone for not giving you a chance to explain yourself is what you need to make it through the day.
Life is full of surprises that God keeps throwing at you. No one is ready for the days ahead, no matter how prepared they say they are.
To forgive is one of the most relieving things a man can do to those who have hurt him. To be forgiven can build friendships you never knew were possible.
In the end, not everyone will forgive you or accept your forgiveness. In those moments, you have to just smile and carry on, even if that means losing something you care about. Even if that means giving up what you want the most.
Monday, September 14, 2009
The Soul's Outlet
They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew
Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway
-Acoustic # 3 by The Goo Goo Dolls ( rearranged for relevance)
Have you ever found yourself in a setting where a question was asked, and you just want to scream out your answer with a passionate fire, yet you say nothing? In fact, not only do you do nothing, you feel like your very being is more meaningless than it ever was before.
I think at some point in everyone's life they have this moment where they are looking for their voice. And I don't mean to say that like a cheesy Disney film starring Hilary Duff or Miley Cyrus about facing your destiny in music, singing at the top of your lungs while discovering the best of both worlds (Film Idea!).
What I'm talking about is this desire to be heard. Within each of us is this passion of discovery. Most journey's start with a question of your own character.
Who Am I, really?
Great adventure relies on the need of self-discovery.
I once heard that the notion of "finding yourself" is a ridiculous one, and I agree with it. You are who you are in the present. You can dream about who you will become in the future and dread who you were in the past, but ultimately your heart is seen in the here and now.
One of the most devastating things in life is to go through it without ever truly discovering your voice. I understand those with an introverted nature. I'm one of you.
You're my people!
Have you ever been asked a question that you have an answer to, but someone else (mother, father, brother, sister, friend) answered for you?
I grew up with my father answering for me, and it wasn't his fault. I was just plain shy. I understand the intimidation of a parental figure. It wasn't until college that I truly started to ask the question of who I am. I dabbled with the thoughts in high school, but I really started to focus in on who I was when my freshman year came about.
I used to hide behind my father's voice, and if you don't know him, I love my dad. Every now and again he'll try to answer for me, and I'll yell at him. "Dad, I got this one...actually what he said sounds good, yeah fries and a coke. Thanks."
All throughout life we hear voices. We hear from our parents, peers, media, church, the school system, and they are all telling us different things at times. What you have to realize is that there is merit to all of them, but at the end of the day the voice that matters isn't any of these listed.
There are two voices you should be concerned with and one of them is your own.
I'm sure this is confusing, so allow me to pose a few questions.
How do I find my voice?
Well first off, stop talking and listen. Search deep within your soul and find that locked door. Maybe you locked it, maybe someone else did, but you'll hear someone hitting the door from the inside screaming for you to let them out!
It should sound like you.
How do I unlock the door?
I don't have an answer. It's different for everyone. Generally speaking, it all comes down to overcoming your fears and insecurities. It's about finding that place where you get over, what everyone else thinks and then you are able to share with others.
Now, you're free, but that's not the end of it. Just because you now have an idea of what you believe, that doesn't mean you'll be able to articulate it. This is probably the hardest part. Getting over your fear of what others think about you. I'm not saying that you have to be a jerk, God knows there are too many of those in the world.
What I'm saying is that what people think about you, is a pointless fear to have because deep down they are just as screwed up and stupid as you (think) you are.
Your voice is an outlet for the soul.
It can be found through many things. You can literally speak, you can write, you can sing, you can play an instrument, you can have a heart to heart with someone, etc. Overall, life is too precious to go through without knowing who you are and want you want, and whether or not you'd be willing to sacrifice for the betterment of others.
The first step to finding your voice:
1. Forget everything you know about yourself and start over.
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew
Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway
-Acoustic # 3 by The Goo Goo Dolls ( rearranged for relevance)
Have you ever found yourself in a setting where a question was asked, and you just want to scream out your answer with a passionate fire, yet you say nothing? In fact, not only do you do nothing, you feel like your very being is more meaningless than it ever was before.
I think at some point in everyone's life they have this moment where they are looking for their voice. And I don't mean to say that like a cheesy Disney film starring Hilary Duff or Miley Cyrus about facing your destiny in music, singing at the top of your lungs while discovering the best of both worlds (Film Idea!).
What I'm talking about is this desire to be heard. Within each of us is this passion of discovery. Most journey's start with a question of your own character.
Who Am I, really?
Great adventure relies on the need of self-discovery.
I once heard that the notion of "finding yourself" is a ridiculous one, and I agree with it. You are who you are in the present. You can dream about who you will become in the future and dread who you were in the past, but ultimately your heart is seen in the here and now.
One of the most devastating things in life is to go through it without ever truly discovering your voice. I understand those with an introverted nature. I'm one of you.
You're my people!
Have you ever been asked a question that you have an answer to, but someone else (mother, father, brother, sister, friend) answered for you?
I grew up with my father answering for me, and it wasn't his fault. I was just plain shy. I understand the intimidation of a parental figure. It wasn't until college that I truly started to ask the question of who I am. I dabbled with the thoughts in high school, but I really started to focus in on who I was when my freshman year came about.
I used to hide behind my father's voice, and if you don't know him, I love my dad. Every now and again he'll try to answer for me, and I'll yell at him. "Dad, I got this one...actually what he said sounds good, yeah fries and a coke. Thanks."
All throughout life we hear voices. We hear from our parents, peers, media, church, the school system, and they are all telling us different things at times. What you have to realize is that there is merit to all of them, but at the end of the day the voice that matters isn't any of these listed.
There are two voices you should be concerned with and one of them is your own.
I'm sure this is confusing, so allow me to pose a few questions.
How do I find my voice?
Well first off, stop talking and listen. Search deep within your soul and find that locked door. Maybe you locked it, maybe someone else did, but you'll hear someone hitting the door from the inside screaming for you to let them out!
It should sound like you.
How do I unlock the door?
I don't have an answer. It's different for everyone. Generally speaking, it all comes down to overcoming your fears and insecurities. It's about finding that place where you get over, what everyone else thinks and then you are able to share with others.
Now, you're free, but that's not the end of it. Just because you now have an idea of what you believe, that doesn't mean you'll be able to articulate it. This is probably the hardest part. Getting over your fear of what others think about you. I'm not saying that you have to be a jerk, God knows there are too many of those in the world.
What I'm saying is that what people think about you, is a pointless fear to have because deep down they are just as screwed up and stupid as you (think) you are.
Your voice is an outlet for the soul.
It can be found through many things. You can literally speak, you can write, you can sing, you can play an instrument, you can have a heart to heart with someone, etc. Overall, life is too precious to go through without knowing who you are and want you want, and whether or not you'd be willing to sacrifice for the betterment of others.
The first step to finding your voice:
1. Forget everything you know about yourself and start over.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Sometimes The Best Voice is the One That Shuts Up
Tonight, my friend Aaron and I were in the school's cafe in line for food and we made a friend.
Honestly, I don't remember his name but I can tell you his story. He's from New York City (more specifically Queens) and he grew up/lives/breaths Disney. His favorite two Disney cartoons are Aladdin and Peter Pan. He loves roller coasters and his very first one was Space Mountain at Disney World. He's got over 200 VHS tapes of Disney Movies.
I know what you're thinking, Chris Peters is a stalker, but please, bear with me.
We didn't have to ask much for him to open up about all of this and quite frankly he had a lot more to say. I just think it's incredible that within each of us lies this desire to be noticed. Whether we want the acceptance of friends, family, spouses or co-workers, we crave it.
I think it's amazing that we had the chance to meet him, but at the same time I'm so sorry that we had to be those guys.
Allow me to clarify. Someone somewhere along the way dropped the ball and did not lend an ear when they were meant to. Now granted, we did and maybe we were supposed to, but we were placed in that moment and in that part of the line for that very reason. The only problem is, we had to leave. We could only be a small part of the conversation in his life. He invited us to sit and eat with him, but we had things we were on a time line to finish up and in that moment my heart felt for him.
The problem is, yes I felt for him, I really did but I also moved on quickly because my mind was on other things.
If I had been more focused on the conversation, maybe I would've helped to make more of an impact. Maybe I could've done better.
The truth is, I'd like to think that Aaron and I accomplished something great by listening to him but I feel like I could've done more. I'll never forget him, and I hope to talk to him in the future, but more importantly I hope that someone else finds the courage to help him along the way. Sometimes we can only do so much and then someone else is supposed to step in and offer something better.
I know that I've had my own problems with keeping relationships intact over the years as it is.
I don't really have a solution to this. Normally I'm able to wrap things up with a quote or a line from a song, but tonight as I write this I just have some questions and understand that I'm asking this to myself as well as to those who are reading this.
What could you do to make those around you better?
What needs to happen for you to start changing the world?
Who will you choose to be?
Think about it.
Honestly, I don't remember his name but I can tell you his story. He's from New York City (more specifically Queens) and he grew up/lives/breaths Disney. His favorite two Disney cartoons are Aladdin and Peter Pan. He loves roller coasters and his very first one was Space Mountain at Disney World. He's got over 200 VHS tapes of Disney Movies.
I know what you're thinking, Chris Peters is a stalker, but please, bear with me.
We didn't have to ask much for him to open up about all of this and quite frankly he had a lot more to say. I just think it's incredible that within each of us lies this desire to be noticed. Whether we want the acceptance of friends, family, spouses or co-workers, we crave it.
I think it's amazing that we had the chance to meet him, but at the same time I'm so sorry that we had to be those guys.
Allow me to clarify. Someone somewhere along the way dropped the ball and did not lend an ear when they were meant to. Now granted, we did and maybe we were supposed to, but we were placed in that moment and in that part of the line for that very reason. The only problem is, we had to leave. We could only be a small part of the conversation in his life. He invited us to sit and eat with him, but we had things we were on a time line to finish up and in that moment my heart felt for him.
The problem is, yes I felt for him, I really did but I also moved on quickly because my mind was on other things.
If I had been more focused on the conversation, maybe I would've helped to make more of an impact. Maybe I could've done better.
The truth is, I'd like to think that Aaron and I accomplished something great by listening to him but I feel like I could've done more. I'll never forget him, and I hope to talk to him in the future, but more importantly I hope that someone else finds the courage to help him along the way. Sometimes we can only do so much and then someone else is supposed to step in and offer something better.
I know that I've had my own problems with keeping relationships intact over the years as it is.
I don't really have a solution to this. Normally I'm able to wrap things up with a quote or a line from a song, but tonight as I write this I just have some questions and understand that I'm asking this to myself as well as to those who are reading this.
What could you do to make those around you better?
What needs to happen for you to start changing the world?
Who will you choose to be?
Think about it.
Friday, September 11, 2009
I Will Follow You Into the Dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
-I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab For Cutie
How far would I be willing to go to help out a friend?
Would I put aside my own feelings to helping someone deal with their own pains?
At what length would I go to help mend a broken heart?
Have you ever stopped and asked questions like these? You talk a big game about how loyal you are to your friends, but when it comes down to it you're not sure if you could handle the pressure?
I've talked about pain in previous posts, but on an individual basis. What I want to journey through today is dealing with other people's hurt.
What happens when you have a friend dealing with a pain you can't relate to?
what happens when you have a friend dealing with a pain that you can't do anything to help him or her with?
Right now, I really just have a lot of questions, but I want to theorize for a moment. I understand that pain is an essential part of who I am. I've embraced my pain, and yes it still hurts when I think about certain moments of my past, but I do not let that control who I am. It influences my actions and my relationships (sometimes for negative results but not always).
Good friends are hard to come by. I know with me personally, I'd like to think that I'm a great friend to have, but do my actions prove my thoughts?
I think that helping others through their issues and problems comes from our abilities to listen. It's not always about having the right thing to say, it's more about the right thing to do. This is difficult for me, because I hate silence when others are around.
I'm the idiot who breaks the silence.
Even if I end up saying the wrong thing.
The problem with this is sometimes, great moments can be born from silence. Friendships are built on the ability to know when someone is there. It's that feeling of accomplishment of going to bed, knowing that there are people out there who care about you. It's a rare feeling to have, but it's a great one to feel from time to time.
I think that there are times that I get so caught up with trying to be the strong friend, that I lose sight of everyone else's feelings, including my own. I find myself answering rhetorical questions, even though I should just be there to say, "I'm so sorry, yeah that does suck".
At the end of the day, it's hard to do the right thing. Most of the time, the right thing looks like the wrong thing because people might get hurt. It's hard to look past your pain that is taking place in a single moment. So as a friend, you have to just sit back, empathize, and simply be present.
You have to decide how far you would go to helping someone, even if that means leaving them be for a while.
It's a hard decisions to make, but it's one that must be made.
“There comes a time when every man (woman) has to make a choice. Whether it’s a professional choice…Or whether it’s a personal choice. In the end, it’s about integrity. And it’s about chasing after what you really want. Even if that means showing you both care a little. And sometimes…well, sometimes you just have to do what’s right for your friend. Even if it means sacrificing your own happiness. When it comes down to it, you just have to be proud of the decision you make.”
-John Dorian (Scrubs)Sunday, September 6, 2009
Strength and Honor
Have you ever had one of those days where the realization that you are clueless hits you?
It's as though you're on top of the world one minute, than in the next your brain is in shambles from the confusion. Sometimes it just seems like you have the world figured out and nothing can get in your way, then you trip. You make a false step, and you're lying face down on the ground yelling for the voices to go away!
This morning was like that for me. You see, I've been doing outstanding lately. My relationships (as far as I can tell) are all great with my family, friends and God. Yet while I was sitting in church this morning I started to freak out. A rush of insecurities flooded through my heart and paralyzed me for a moment.
I've been thinking about the future a lot lately and I'm not sure where my life is going. So if you add that into the mix of what I was feeling, I was a mess! I started to question who I was and whether or not my friends even cared about me, and it was all unwarranted.
Thankfully, my friends do love me. After I left the main sanctuary from my church to get away from all the background noise, I found myself sitting alone in a chair so I texted a couple of friends of mine, reaching out for help. Both of them responded, but one of them in particular walked me through my problems.
What happened was I needed to be knocked down from my pedestal. It wasn't that I've been arrogant lately, but more like I was taking things for granted. I needed to be reminded who I was and that people do believe in me.
I needed to hear that I was good enough.
I often become focused on being strong. I've always wanted to be that guy who people can lean on when they are hurting. But what happens when I focus on strength is that I forget to take care of my own emotional needs and that's how days like today happen. I become broken.
I am completely wrecked.
What I needed was for somebody to be strong for me, so that I could see how it's done. Because strength isn't always about having everything figured out. Strength is about putting aside your own issues for a moment to see that there are bigger things happening than you.
Strength is about overcoming or forgetting about your own fear for a moment so that you can help others deal with theirs.
If there's anything I've learned in the last couple of years is that I cannot do this on my own. Life is too hard to go through it without trusting people. Life is too hard to live without friends. Life is too hard to go through it and not feel love.
Don't ever forget that you are loved by someone, even if it doesn't feel like it at times.
It's as though you're on top of the world one minute, than in the next your brain is in shambles from the confusion. Sometimes it just seems like you have the world figured out and nothing can get in your way, then you trip. You make a false step, and you're lying face down on the ground yelling for the voices to go away!
This morning was like that for me. You see, I've been doing outstanding lately. My relationships (as far as I can tell) are all great with my family, friends and God. Yet while I was sitting in church this morning I started to freak out. A rush of insecurities flooded through my heart and paralyzed me for a moment.
I've been thinking about the future a lot lately and I'm not sure where my life is going. So if you add that into the mix of what I was feeling, I was a mess! I started to question who I was and whether or not my friends even cared about me, and it was all unwarranted.
Thankfully, my friends do love me. After I left the main sanctuary from my church to get away from all the background noise, I found myself sitting alone in a chair so I texted a couple of friends of mine, reaching out for help. Both of them responded, but one of them in particular walked me through my problems.
What happened was I needed to be knocked down from my pedestal. It wasn't that I've been arrogant lately, but more like I was taking things for granted. I needed to be reminded who I was and that people do believe in me.
I needed to hear that I was good enough.
I often become focused on being strong. I've always wanted to be that guy who people can lean on when they are hurting. But what happens when I focus on strength is that I forget to take care of my own emotional needs and that's how days like today happen. I become broken.
I am completely wrecked.
What I needed was for somebody to be strong for me, so that I could see how it's done. Because strength isn't always about having everything figured out. Strength is about putting aside your own issues for a moment to see that there are bigger things happening than you.
Strength is about overcoming or forgetting about your own fear for a moment so that you can help others deal with theirs.
If there's anything I've learned in the last couple of years is that I cannot do this on my own. Life is too hard to go through it without trusting people. Life is too hard to live without friends. Life is too hard to go through it and not feel love.
Don't ever forget that you are loved by someone, even if it doesn't feel like it at times.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Wolf Like Me Revisited
I just came across a passage from a book I'm reading that discusses dealing with the fear of being alone. I thought I would share it with you, but if you haven't read my previous entry "Wolf Like Me" go back and read that first then take a look at this.
Thanks.
The good news is that it doesn't have to be this way. As a matter of fact, our relationships can be
much deeper, more meaningful, and even enjoyable with both God and others. But we have some work to do.
First, nurturing healthy relationships requires us to keep facing our fears. It's normal to be
afraid; we all are. But we must not allow our fears to keep us from enjoying what's beyond them, namely the deeper connections we desire with God and others.
Second, we must look for ways to get past the superficial levels in which most of our relationships
get stuck. This involves taking more time with others, becoming more honest and real with them, holding back less.
-Chris Mitchell; Co-author of A Place for Skeptics
As long as we face our fears every day, our natural feeling of being alone will become easier to cope with. This is only one step of the process, considering eventually you'll have to let people in. Just saying that you trust in God and feel a closeness to him, does not mean that you do.
We all crave to feel and be a part of something, and yes you can find that with God, but true community happens with a fellowship of people as well. I don't think that God wants you to be alone, and I find it hard to believe that he would want you to only have a relationship with him.
If it were that why, why didn't he just stop with creating Adam?
Thanks.
The good news is that it doesn't have to be this way. As a matter of fact, our relationships can be
much deeper, more meaningful, and even enjoyable with both God and others. But we have some work to do.
First, nurturing healthy relationships requires us to keep facing our fears. It's normal to be
afraid; we all are. But we must not allow our fears to keep us from enjoying what's beyond them, namely the deeper connections we desire with God and others.
Second, we must look for ways to get past the superficial levels in which most of our relationships
get stuck. This involves taking more time with others, becoming more honest and real with them, holding back less.
-Chris Mitchell; Co-author of A Place for Skeptics
As long as we face our fears every day, our natural feeling of being alone will become easier to cope with. This is only one step of the process, considering eventually you'll have to let people in. Just saying that you trust in God and feel a closeness to him, does not mean that you do.
We all crave to feel and be a part of something, and yes you can find that with God, but true community happens with a fellowship of people as well. I don't think that God wants you to be alone, and I find it hard to believe that he would want you to only have a relationship with him.
If it were that why, why didn't he just stop with creating Adam?
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Overwhelming Awareness
A few weeks ago I had some thoughts that I meant to share, and I just never got around to doing so. I was sitting in a meeting for First Teams, and a song was played. The idea was to listen for "God thoughts" and I'm still not entirely sure if what I heard was actually in the song or not, but here was my thought.
When you (God) are here, am I aware of your presence?
What should I feel in those moments?
Should I be overwhelmed?
Should I feel calm?
Should I feel love?
I so often hear in church settings, that "God is here". God shows up, when the service goes a certain way. I can't say I have ever felt God in church, the way I've heard people describe it. It's very difficult for me to make a connection singing during a worship service, because I'm not passionate about singing.
Traditionally speaking, I'm probably wrong for even thinking this way, but I don't feel God in those half hour moments on Sunday mornings. It's not that I don't try, because I do (not every week but I still try).
I know that it would be pointless to address a situation without offering a solution, because maybe I'm not the only person who feels this way. I don't have a full answer for this. In fact, there are no absolutes in what I am writing right now. I will say this though, there are moments where I feel God. Mostly when I write.
I feel a closeness and a connection with my creator when I do something creative which I have been gifted in. Sometimes during a worship service, I'll have a notebook with me and I'll just write. I'll scribble down thoughts like this and see what happens.
I'm not saying that it works this way for everyone. If you are a gifted basketball player, don't bring your ball to church Sunday morning, but understand that your gifts can be used in some way to worship.
This is most Christian Language that I've used in a blog, and it doesn't happen often, but understand my heart. I'm experimenting with a simple theory and so far it's working. That doesn't mean it's always going to work, but I want to encourage everyone to keep asking questions and to never stop pursuing your dreams and passions in God.
Let's do life together.
When you (God) are here, am I aware of your presence?
What should I feel in those moments?
Should I be overwhelmed?
Should I feel calm?
Should I feel love?
I so often hear in church settings, that "God is here". God shows up, when the service goes a certain way. I can't say I have ever felt God in church, the way I've heard people describe it. It's very difficult for me to make a connection singing during a worship service, because I'm not passionate about singing.
Traditionally speaking, I'm probably wrong for even thinking this way, but I don't feel God in those half hour moments on Sunday mornings. It's not that I don't try, because I do (not every week but I still try).
I know that it would be pointless to address a situation without offering a solution, because maybe I'm not the only person who feels this way. I don't have a full answer for this. In fact, there are no absolutes in what I am writing right now. I will say this though, there are moments where I feel God. Mostly when I write.
I feel a closeness and a connection with my creator when I do something creative which I have been gifted in. Sometimes during a worship service, I'll have a notebook with me and I'll just write. I'll scribble down thoughts like this and see what happens.
I'm not saying that it works this way for everyone. If you are a gifted basketball player, don't bring your ball to church Sunday morning, but understand that your gifts can be used in some way to worship.
This is most Christian Language that I've used in a blog, and it doesn't happen often, but understand my heart. I'm experimenting with a simple theory and so far it's working. That doesn't mean it's always going to work, but I want to encourage everyone to keep asking questions and to never stop pursuing your dreams and passions in God.
Let's do life together.
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