What Kind of Day Has It Been

Today I had a moment that destroyed me from the inside out. For those of you who follow me on twitter (which is clearly everyone), you saw that I ran into a man who was asking for money.

As I walked to my car in a Best Buy parking lot, I was stopped by a short black man wearing a green sweater. He called me sir and asked if he could have a minute of my time. I eagerly wanted to get into my car, but chose to humor him, even though I inevitably knew what he wanted. I could smell the booze on his breath. That's the problem with having a history of cynicism. I think sometimes it hurts worse when someone proves your beliefs about humanity.

He told me that he knew this wasn't the proper thing to do and kept looking away from me, breaking eye contact. He even pulled out a toothbrush/toothpaste wrapped in a wash cloth, probably to get me to take pity on him. At the end of his rant of how he's been out and about asking for money and applying for jobs on a Sunday, he finally asked me if I had any money on me.

I smiled and offered him a track about Jesus instead (kidding!), however, I did smile and I pulled out my wallet. I gave him two dollars and wished him good luck with his future endeavors. As I got into my car (vanilla bear/the white knight), I picked out my soundtrack for the ride home. I believe I put on a playlist titled "Up in the Air" named after the movie that just came out.

I started to drive away, and all I could think about was the man I met. His name is Joel and I'll probably never see him again. I know some people would tell me that I did wrong by giving him money, but I believe those people are ignorant. That's not to say that I know better, but at the same time a trait that most people lack today is empathy.

Joel changed the tone of my day. When I got home, I watched one of the movies I had purchased at Best Buy. It's called Just Friends with Ryan Reynolds. Hilarious, yet still at the back of my mind my interaction with Joel lingered.

Before I had made it to the store, I had sent out a message through Twitter (aka Tweeted) a message that said this: Empathy can be a powerful tool in the hands of someone with a pure heart.

After sharing a thought about a pure ability such as empathy, who would I have been to deny that man just a few dollars?

Money is such a small thing to offer to someone. It's too small. I tried to share more with him in what was less than five minutes. Maybe he just needed someone to look him in the eye when he asked for money. Maybe he just needed to feel like a man again.

The thing is, I have stared into the eyes of hopeless men and this man was far from being completely gone. I could tell how painful it was for him to be asking for money. I could see how lost he was.  I could see his hurting and for most of the afternoon I felt a small ounce of it. I'm not saying that I could possibly know everything that he has gone through. I mean, the man apparently just got out of prison.

I wish to never come off as callous, yet at the same time I want to be authentic. This is what happened and it may dominate my world for days. I normally don't write to where I'm at and this is not cry for answers. What this is, is an opportunity to learn together. This is about taking what you know and combining it with the unknown. What is to be learned can be either breathtaking or heartbreaking.

What does the future hold? I'm not sure, but I am excited to be a part of the journey alongside my greatest friends and the ones I'm still getting to know. 

Life is an adventure, there's no mistaking it for anything but that. It's the beat I follow and the theme in which I write to.

Help us all to learn to show humility in the face of adversity and turmoil. Help us all find courage for even the smallest moments of fear.

Give us the strength to do what's right in all circumstances.


-Chris Peters

Rebirth: Growing Up

“Some people hide from who they really are, others accept who they are. But, sometimes, it’s the tough moments that help you realize who you’ve finally become.”
-J.D. From Scrubs 

I always get nostalgic this time of year. Maybe it's the amount of time spent with family and all of the reminiscing that goes on or maybe it's because another year is finally closing to an end. I think a part of me may just be surprised that I was able to make it through the past 52 weeks.

It's always good to be able to look back at yourself, even if it's just a few days, and hope that you're stronger or better off than you were during that time. Looking back at the past few years, I've learned a lot about myself and who I wish to become.

I've been through a lot of insecurity and a lot of weakness and at the same time, I've learned about my courage and strengths. I've learned who I can be for people at certain times, even if that involves shutting my mouth and letting someone cry, whine, or complain.

I don't put a lot of stock into these "New Years Resolutions" and I never will. I've never understood them and so I refuse to participate. So maybe at the end of the year, we should take the time to sit back and reflect for a moment before looking ahead.

I hear people talk about how exciting the new year will be and it's because of this notion that they need to find renewal. The only problem is that change will not occur from December 31st to January 1st unless the individuals make it happen.

There's no mystical force that says, "You know...perhaps in 2010 Chris will no longer have an addiction to Haribo Gummy Bears."

It doesn't work like that!

New Years resolutions are about people wishing they had the willpower to give up something or gain something but never actually commit.

What you need, is to reflect first, then press on. Examine how you handled the situations from the previous year. Examine how you did, not what you did.

The future holds only mystery. There's no way of knowing what tomorrow holds. We can wish and dream we know what will happen but at the end of the day we'll find ourselves only wanting.

Once you analyze the past, you can begin searching for a moment of rebirth. Transformation will occur if you seek it out yet it should not be used as a crutch to support you through your journey. If you allow the idea of change to become your whole reason for living, you will become lost in a search that should remain secondary.

Life is about more than living for yourself, but without being able to take care of yourself, how can you be expected to take care of those in need around you?

The key to living can be concluded through the words of a friend:
"Do right and fear nothing...your heart is your best asset. Keep it pure."
-anonymous

Unshakable Force

I've been told that language shapes culture. 

The leader in a group of friends can be identified by who came up with the catch phrases/one liners/cheesy puns of the group.

 I would like to think within my blog I have created my own language. I use certain words and terminology that has resonated inside of me through other sources. My goal, is to believe the words I use, but sometimes I use words that I don't take the time to define. A responsible reader would go and look things up on his/her own time, but there is one word in particular that is screaming at me.

Willpower.

• self-control: the trait of resolutely controlling your own behavior.
  
  
• The unwavering strength of will to carry out one’s wishes.
   
• is self-discipline and determination.

I have borrowed this word from a source of inspiration for me. Most of you know that I am a comic book reader. I just love how a story can have my emotions wrapped around its fingers. One character never fails to do this. 

I'm not going to talk about Hal Jordan, although he is the character I'm drawing inspiration from at the moment. He has an unshakable will.

 Having a strong willpower means that you'll be able to look your deepest fear dead in the eye without flinching. I write a lot about fear. It's hard not too. Fear has led man to do horrible things and I know that it's what causes most pain.

Not everyone has strong willpower. That's not to say it's unobtainable. On the contrary, it's a totally reachable goal. 

How many times have you found yourself alone feeling weak and abandoned?

Weakness, is what causes us to fail more than anything. Stumbling over road blocks is a far too periodic feeling for me. I can understand falling to your weakness, but what I can't understand is losing hope that one day you'll overcome even your deepest one.

Have you ever had a friend come to you about a situation and they don't know what to do?

You try to help them through it, but they keep going back to how they don't believe in themselves?

It's heartbreaking. It's demoralizing. It's never pathetic.

We've all been there. How do you encourage someone to never settle for defeat? 

Do you show them with your own life or are there words that can help give them the strength necessary?

 If there are words they lie here in this quote:

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

-Theodore Roosevelt 

Having a strong willpower is to have a soldier mindset. It's about devoting yourself to a cause or an ideal entirely all for the sake of whatever it is.

It could be for someone you care about or everyone you care about. It could be about injustice or it could be about helping a complete stranger.

"The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function: without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. All war depends upon it."
-Ronald Spiers from Band of Brothers 

The quote ends an exchange between a fearless soldier and one caught in fear. As a soldier, you have to fight. If you don't, you will die.

Kill or be killed.

Most people repeatedly fall to their fear.

You can become crippled if you let fear control you, which leads to inaction. Often times, we lose ourselves to an inability to make movement.

Fear only controls when it's allowed to. When someone finds the strength to move forward, amazing things can happen, but finding that strength is the tricky part.

To overcome fear, you must first look at hope. Hope can be a powerful driving force, but sometimes it can be negative. The fact of the matter is, hope can stop us from living. What happens is we find something to look forward to, and for some reason we become afraid of losing it, even if we don't have it. Especially if we don't have it.

So what do we do?

We put it on a pedestal. We idolize it. It becomes our priority and we give up everything for it.

Hope can be a danger to someone running on willpower.

Where does that leave us?

It leaves us aimlessly hoping, when opportunity is right in front of us. This can be destructive and dangerous. Ultimately, I think we care far more than we should about our own safety. Life without risk is just as deadly as dying young.

The man I am tomorrow relies on the man I am today to do something. The decisions I make, the steps that I take, all factor into the future. 

Sometimes all it takes is a dose of self-confidence. It's hard to find that, but when you do find a source that brings you great confidence, hold onto it and use it. Let it talk you into greatness.

We are all meant to shine. It doesn't matter how dark or scary life gets, you shine.

You shine so that others will see light. You shine so that you can be a beacon of hope.

A barricade of strength.

Where does this all come from, well, we have to end at the beginning.

 It comes from The unwavering strength of will to carry out one’s wishes.

 Willpower. 

 Where will you find your strength?

-Christopher Peters