Long Time Reflection

I believe it was Erwin McManus who stated that all of your relationships are a reflection of your character.   From your best friend to your boyfriend/girlfriend to your worst enemy, all of your relationships go into defining who you are.

So what does that mean exactly?

You may be thinking:

I'm not like my enemies, am I?


I understand being like my best friend or my girlfriend, but really, like my enemy?

Keep in mind, I did not say that you are like those who you interact with on a daily basis, I just said that your relationship with those people are a reflection of your character.

So let's start with defining character.

• The quality of a person.

 Your character is who you are and what you do because of who you are. If you have poor character, you'll more than likely be a sour individual. If you have great character, you'll probably be an exceptional person.

How you interact with someone who you don't like, is more important than how you interact with those that you are fond of. I've always felt that your true character comes out in dark moments and when you are at your worst.

So why can't we treat our character, when we feel like being hateful/spiteful/mean-spirited, the same way?

That's not to say that it's not important to treat those close to you in the right way. On the contrary, those people who are closest to you should be the most important relationships you have, so treat them as such.

When your girlfriend needs a shoulder to cry on, bring something to wipe the tears away.


When your best friend needs to vent, ready your ears for a yell fest!


When your boyfriend doesn't want to be alone, but has nothing to say, sit back and enjoy the silence.

The list goes on.

Inside all of us is the desire to be better than we were yesterday and if your relationships aren't helping you accomplish that, then you have a problem that must be fixed. I know that I've said in the past that friendships are about making sacrifices and doing what's best for your friend, but that's not always true.

Yes, sometimes you have to give up what you want so that other's can survive, but sometimes all you have to ask yourself is, what do you want?

At the end of the day, it's about who you are when it's over. True relationship relies on two individuals being better off than they were before they met the other person. If  a close friend, or someone you care about greatly is taking away from your being happy, then you should reconsider that relationship.

Sure you can hope that things will chance, you can hope things will get better and things may. Sometimes, what you think you want the most, is not what you need. I know how cliche that can sound, but it's the truth.

Your relationships are everything. If you can't turn off the lights at night happy for who you have in your life, I'd think twice about who you spend your time with. This isn't to say that you should never hang out with rotten people. The point is, that those who you keep close, should build you up.

I've heard that you are who your friends are, so as for me, I'd say I'm pretty well off if this is true.

-Chris

A Tragic Mistake

It seems as though something tragic has happened to human kind. We have found a way to let our circumstances define who we are.

You see it everywhere. In a world full of individuals, all we are is a career, or a mistake, or a relationship status.

I'm guilty of letting the fact that I'm single play into decisions I make when the fact that I'm single shouldn't actually belong in that conversation.

I look at homeless people. To label a man by his lack of housing, is horrible. It's even more ridiculous when he knows that's what he is. I was told tonight, there are no second chances. You have one shot to make it in the world.

I couldn't figure out how to tell a man without hope that he was wrong. You see, he's accepted the fact that he'll probably die on the streets. I know that sounds insensitive, but I've seen hopeless eyes enough to know how he feels. The problem is, he is homeless by his circumstance, not by identity, yet he's let his identity become about him not having a roof to sleep under.

It's seen everywhere. How many of us have had our hearts set on a career?


"So What do you do?"


"Oh, I'm a lawyer."


"Oh, I'm a singer."


"Oh, I'm a writer."

The truth of the matter is, this is only a part of who you are. You are so much more than a career. I've heard baseball players talk about nothing but their pitching form, writers speaking nothing but their style, and students who only study and for what?

If all I did was write, if all I did was think about writing, what good would I be?

We live in such a diverse world with opportunity at every corner, and so many people miss out on life because of who they've let themselves become.

Have you ever made a mistake, big or small, and it consumed everything about you?

For weeks and months all you could think about was that one mistake, and because of this it effected everything from your relationships to your soul. Your mistake owned you and it took control of your actions, thoughts, and dreams.

Most of the time, our identity is lost in moments like these and it's hard to pull out of. The trick is to own your mistake. It's not that what you did was right, it's a mistake for a reason, but you're going to keep making the same mistake over and over again, until you move past it. The only way to move on at times, is to let go of things.

In the end, you have to take a moment and ask yourself the question, who am I?

Where does my identity lie and how can I reclaim it if it's lost?


To be truthful, I can't answer this question for myself, let alone anyone else. I know that, we can search together and hopefully in that manner we'll find the right answers, but until then all I can do is offer my prayer and help along the way.

As I've said in the past, let's try to do this together. Life was not meant to be done alone.

-Christopher 'Fatboy' Peters

Staring Into the Hearts of the Downcast

I did not intend to write anything more until I followed through with my challenge I established in my previous entry, but something came up. I don't have much to say but I have to share a story and if I don't write about it now, it's not going to get done.

Tonight I went out with some friends for the first time this semester to distribute food and conversation with our friends who are homeless. There was a sense of anxiety between the group because it's been a while since we've been out there and it was a justified feeling because there were few people we knew when we got there.

It was an emotionally draining experience for me personally. Thankfully, God kept me together but I met a few women who were wasted. One woman was just drunk while the other was high and drunk. Cathy was the first woman I talked to and she had been through a lot. My heart truly went out to her as she plead for us to look out for a shelter that would take her in. She told me that she was an alcoholic but she was willing to give it up to get straight.

It's hard to believe in people, when they say they want to sober up but take gulps of their beer as they express that desire to you. It's hard to look past the pain when I am so blessed. It's hard to look people in the eye and tell them that all you can do is pray for them and listen to their problems.

I live a selfish life. God has truly blessed and it crushes me to the core when I see people in more need than me. Most of these people are on the streets for just reasons, but where are the people stepping up to take care of them?

Just because certain people deserve death, doesn't mean we should give it to them.

Another woman I met tonight made me extremely uncomfortable. She wouldn't stop touching me and a few times got right in my face. Her name was Franny and she was high/drunk and not lightly. She was messed up.

I heard her share her story about 5 times. She asked me how old I was every 10 minutes and told me she had a 25 year old daughter who lives in Arizona every 15 minutes. Her story was tragic and she was a trouble maker.

She told me she had my back and she kept telling me I was like a son to her. I had never met her before. As I sat in the ant-filled grass next to her, she would interrupt herself in the middle of a thought and ask me why I was there. She would look me in the eyes with tears forming and say why are you still here?

I couldn't answer her question although I gave her a different one every time.

At one point I just told her I felt that God wanted me here whereas another time I just said, I'm just here.

It seems selfish to me that I feel hurt when I see other's pain but that's what happens sometimes.

Empathy is a powerful emotion that we all should latch onto every now and again. But empathy can only get you so far without action. Without acting upon those empathy it turns into is pity.

Life can be precious but it kill you at times. When you see other people who are worse off than you, it serves as a reminder that you're well taken care of.

I have another challenge.

Think about your life.

Think about who you are.

Think about the most painful experience you've ever been in.

Think about losing someone or something that you treasured.

Think about all of the times you could've been there for a friend but you didn't show up.

Now stop thinking about things and be somebody.

Be somebody that will make a difference in the world.

Be somebody that will bring change to those around you.

Be somebody that people look up to.

Lead.

Love.

Learn.

Live.

Greatness is something that has to be forced out of people at times. It's not something that comes naturally to anyone, but when it is unleashed everyone else better stand back out of the way because you will become a force to be reckoned with.

Let's grow together and live together. Life should not be tried alone.

Begin With the End in Mind (a borrowed title)

There's a conversation that comes up a lot that I've never really discussed.

Is man good or are we evil?

Are we born and automatically bad and then learn how to be good or is it the other way around? Are we born good and just learn how to do evil?

It's something that's discussed often and I've never fully given it much thought because ultimately it doesn't matter. But for the sake of conversation I want to throw a middle ground option here. Why must everything be black and white? Why does a gray area have to be a bad thing?

Why can't it just be that area that dwindles somewhere in between what's reality and what is false?

What if man is just born. What if he is not born good or bad, but he just exists. Most would assume that the optimistic approach is that we are born evil and have the capacity for great good and that the pessimistic view would be just the opposite. But what if we have the capacity for both great evil and great good?

I lean more toward this line of thinking. We have an unbound source to do great either way. Our capacity for good is just as powerful as our capacity to do bad. In the end it's about who we let into our lives. Who will influence us the most?

Parents.

Peers.

Media.

Education.

Faith.

You.

At the end of the day it's about motives. It's about who you choose to be and why you choose to be him or her. You cannot blame someone else for your actions. If you're immature, it's because you chose to be. Sure there are outside influences that effect what you do, but in the long run, your soul is yours and what you do changes who you are.

You just have to decide who you are and who you want to be. It starts whenever you're ready. It's starts right now.

It starts here.

I have a challenge for those of you who are willing to participate.

I want you to think about a funeral. Everyone you know is there. Your closest friends and family are all gathered around a coffin and the one who knows you the most stands up to give the eulogy. You aren't present in the crowd for you realize that the tears are for you.

This is your funeral. You died unexpectedly and here we all are now mourning your loss.

At funerals they tend to talk about the character of the person who died. Here's the challenge. Write your own eulogy. Write what you think would be said about you. Be honest. Be extreme. be harsh.

I think if all of us were to take an honest look at ourselves, we would become more depressed and feel really really bad about who we are.

Once you've done this, think about it. Think about who you are with people and how that effects your own life. After you're done feeling bad for yourself, write a separate eulogy.

Now write the one that you want to be read at your funeral. Think about who you aren't and how you want to be that person. If you want to be one who inspires, write that down.

If you want to be the one who always makes people smile or laugh, write that down!

Self examination is necessary with moving on in life. I'm going to do this as well and I hope that this experiment helps people ask questions about themselves because in the end, we all have a long way to go.

So let's do life together.

-Chris 'Fatboy' Peters