In Brightest Day

Lately it seems as though my life has been at a standstill. It's almost like a wall was placed in front of me that runs too high to climb and too far to walk around with the sledge hammer, strong enough to break through the wall, dropped on the other side of the wall.

Of course, I can't entirely blame it on my school year ending, because I started feeling this way about a month and a half ago.

So what exactly is my problem?

I don't know.

What I do know is that my excuses will only go so far, so I won't try to make any.

Alongside this notion of apathy (for lack of a better description) I've felt something deeper. It is difficult to explain without sounding arrogant so I want it to be clear that I do not mean to sound that way.

While I was still in school this past semester I was involved with a prayer meeting of sorts. The leader of said meeting, put words up at different times that we were supposed to ponder over individually. The idea was for something to click when a certain word would show up. I wasn't sure what to expect so I kept an open mind.

I wasn't prepared for what I felt echo through my soul.

I cannot tell you the other words that were shown that day, but I can remember this one.

Capacity.

But, that wasn't the only word I felt in my heart. I also felt a small phrasing I was unfamiliar with.

"Capacity for greatness."

I can't fully explain it or comprehend it, but I felt God stirring a passion in my heart. It felt as though he was trying to say that I was/am being prepared to hold greatness inside of me. So like any man who receives information about his future I hid.

I felt fear which still has a hold on me today.

Fear has been on my mind lately, mostly due to the fact that I'm feeling it in full force and also because of my interest in Green Lantern Comics.

A Green Lantern's strength lies in his or her ability to overcome great fear. They have a strong willpower. This does not mean that fear cannot overtake them, but that when it does they can purge it with a vengeance.

I believe that all of us have the ability to overcome great fear but ironically we're too scared to see past our...fear.

We become too afraid to see our full potential and it immobilizes us. It brings us to our knees, not in humility but in a false submission.

We think that if we give into our fear that it will become a part of who we are and we won't have to deal with it anymore.

Your life will never reach its full capacity if you let fear take control. Life is halted when fear has power over you, over anyone.

Courage has no power over fear.

Courage is a weapon that can be used against fear, but on its own it is useless. Courage is equipped by those ready to take control. Too often, courage is dropped, mostly because its wielders are in great need of looking past their failures.

I mentioned earlier that everyone has the ability to overcome great fear, but that doesn't mean everyone will step up or even know how to.

Humanity needs its torchbearers, the ones who are ready to lead the way. Without someone to take the first step, who will inspire the masses?

I don't know what my destiny is and I'm not going to tell you that I'm a torchbearer because there haven't been any indications of that so far.

I'm done with fear.

I'm done with this paralysis of the heart.

It's time to reach my potential with nothing but strength.

It's time for me to not live in fear.


In brightest day,
In blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight,
Let those who worship evil's might,
Beware my power,
Green Lantern's Light.
-Oath of The Green Lantern Corps

Ending Expectations

Endings are never easy. I always build them up so much in my head they can’t possibly live up to my expectations and I just end up disappointed. I’m not even sure why it matters so much to me how things end here.

I guess it’s because we all want to believe that what we do is very important. That people hang onto our every word, that they care what we think. The truth is, you should consider yourself lucky if you even occasionally get to make someone, anyone, feel a little better. After that it’s all about the people you let into your life...

- John Dorian From Scrubs

Endings are seldom easy regardless of what is over. A school year, a relationship, a job you loved, and more importantly your favorite meal that was prepared perfectly for you.

I wrote of adventure in my last entry and I still believe that life is one long, grand journey that has its great moments. It's like nothing is able to tear down the mountain which you finally reached the top of. Life brings you to heights you only could dream of reaching. Nothing could bring you down.

Then, you look down the mountain and can't see what's in front of you. You realize that you're trapped and have no idea which way to move toward. You have no idea where your future lies.

All of your courage vanishes.

Your willpower, that normally moves you forward, dies.

Fear takes over.

What do I do now?

It's almost as if you want someone to tell you what you should do, or tell you where to go next.

This makes it difficult to see a future and know what it will bring. Often times, life makes you afraid more than it makes you secure.

The future can be frightening. Uncertainty doesn't offer much comfort for the weary traveler. But it's what you have. You have to find a way to deal with it no matter the circumstance.

And as my mind drifted to faces I’d seen here before, I was taken to memories of family, co workers, of lost loves, even of those who have left us. And as I rounded that corner they all came at me in a wave of shared experience.

When your life takes a major detour, it's best to think of all the good memories you shared with those close to you. Sometimes, good experiences can help you through the toughest decisions no matter how far away they are from you.

All great moments must end. Every thing that happens, good or bad, will end. Life is full of its ups, downs, sharp turns and even irritable bumps (if you're main option of travel is a car of course).

Great moments are rare and without them, you can't get out of the soul damaging moments. Life is cyclical.

And even though it felt warmer and safe, I knew it had to end. It’s never good to live in the past too long. As for the future, thanks to Dan it didn’t seem so scary any more. It could be whatever I want it to be.

As long you understand that you are not promised a life of safety and that there are going to be just as many bad times, if not more, as there are good, you'll be able to survive. Expectations can destroy the future. They can destroy your future. When you do not expect something to happen, it makes the moment all the more rewarding, but you can't live by this.

If you live for the good moments, you will find much more disappointment than satisfaction. Don't mistake this as a call to pessimism or cynicism, but rather a call to be on guard and expect the unexpected.

Plan to be surprised.

When you live to follow your personal goals and they align with your calling in life anything that is standing in your way will not be difficult to move. Know that many things will stand in your way, but take pride in knowing that your dreams are just around the corner.

Your wildest dreams are waiting to be reached. All you have to do is walk through the curtain and take a step onto the stage where the applause of adoring fans welcome you to destiny.

Who’s to say this isn’t what happens? Who’s to tell me that my fantasies won’t come true?

Just this once.