Will To Stand

"My thoughts and emotions shift. My body aches. My soul does not. I'm finally thinking clearly. I'm finally thinking like me...No more fear. But plenty of damn will. Will to stand up. Will to fight. And Will to live."

-Hal Jordan

I've said in the past that I have this romantic notion of heroism and I've also opened up discussions of fear quite often. The thing is, fear has far too much control over our actions than it should and until we all find a way to get over fear I won't stop writing about it.

Yet I don't think that's ever going to happen, because fear doesn't work that way. To overcome fear once is a wonderful first step but it won't stop there. Fear is not eradicated but pushed back. When you overcome something that first time it doesn't make you automatically unafraid in the future, it just makes it easier to overcome the next time it comes around.

For those looking for a biblical perspective, the bible says that, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear..."

Say what you will, but we are incapable of perfect love on our own. That doesn't mean we stop striving to grasp it, it just means that we may have to work harder than most Christians would lead you to believe.

I believe that at the heart of every human is a desire to be better. It's a drive that can be healthy and dangerous because also at the heart of every human is a desire to be self-serving. Becoming better for one man might have him taking care of those who can't do so themselves, while for another it might mean seeking fortune and glory.

Emotions are a powerful source of strength yet need to be harnessed correctly. Balance is necessary in controlling yourself.

When I become emotional, I tend to internalize. I don't want people to be able to read me so I bottle it up. It used to break my heart doing this, until I found a group of friends I could trust to release my emotions with. I don't do so with a crutch mindset, I've just allowed these people to see my heart.

The emotional spectrum is vast, but some of the basic emotions have been labeled by Geoff Johns quite well in a series called Blackest Night.

We have avarice, rage, fear, hope, love, compassion, and at the center of it all lies will. No one is free of feeling, no matter how internal they have become. They all feed off of each other, where some act in perfect harmony with each other while some clash.

The negative side of the spectrum (avarice, rage, fear) are all considered weaknesses. When we act out in fear or anger or greed we're looked at as cowards. When we act in love, hope or with compassion we're looked at as noble heroes.

I know in the past I've stated that I have a plan to write about a certain set of ideas and then never followed through but this time I'm going to do my best to continue this discussion of the emotional spectrum and why will is key in understanding and controlling each of them.

It's time for rebirth, a pledge I've made and am striving for. 

I invite you along for the journey and hope to see something amazing rise from the adventure.

-Chris "Highball" Peters

(If you catch the reference not only will you call me a nerd but I'll also be impressed)

By Your Side

"You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that’s the sad truth. Maybe they’ll break your heart, maybe you’ll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself the same way. Those are the risks. That’s the burden.
Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on our backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens which allow us to fly."

-Dr. Temperance Brennan (Bones)

Love.

It's truly a remarkable emotion. I use the word emotion very lightly because it's much more than that. Love has caused a lot of things, from freedom to pain.

Love is probably the most powerful thing in the world. What else could drive a man to insanity over a woman, yet allow a father to sacrifice himself for his son (made up scenario inspired by John Q)?

Love is very controversial. It can cause bitterness, jadedness, and sometimes hatred toward others.

Love allows for people to be open. It calls for believing in others and hopefully they'll believe in you as well.

Are we capable of having true love for someone else?

Stories have told us that it's real. Whether you read it in Twilight or watch The Princess Bride it's a selling point for many great stories (I'm not saying Twilight is great, it's just what the kids like nowadays so I'm maintaining relevancy).  True love is brought up because you and I desire to know it. We wish to feel it and call it home.

That's why romantic comedies are a huge genre (it's just the new term for a chick-flick). People want to see stories where Guy A finds his 'soul-mate' in Girl B. They want to know that there is hope for them. I know I've had those feelings before and most people are afraid to admit that.

For someone who is single, the idea that he/she was made for another person and vice versa, is hard to see. After miles of disappointment and failure that becomes all they know. When you open yourself up for love and you're heart continuously gets crushed, failure becomes routine.

Love destroys lives.

But that's not all it does. It also has the capacity to free us. It has this amazing ability to allow us to, as Bones put it, fly. Love allows us to feel apart of something greater than what we see in front of us.

Is it worth it?

I think we all can agree that love is tricky.

I don't believe in soul-mates. I think that the whole idea seems all too 'fictiony' for me. It's this romanticized notion that you won't be complete until you meet a certain someone.

Who you are is and never will be who you are when you're in a relationship. I know too many couples that are identified by the relationship and not about the individuals. Those relationships are doomed to fail, because it's really not wrapped up in true love.

Loving someone is about accepting them for who they are. Sure there's a level of compromise involved in relationships but you can never give up yourself completely (in a negative way, change can be good if you are in fact someone who needs to be changed) for someone else.

With that said, I have a warped view. I've never been in a dating relationship. Most of the people who read this are aware of this, and I've been told that I can't understand love then.

Maybe they're right. Maybe everything I"m writing right now is simply conjecture. Maybe I have no right to have thoughts on the subject.

I know what love is. I know what it means to care about others more than for myself and to say it's different when it involves a woman only makes sense to an extent. No, I've never been 'in love' with a girl before. But there are things I am in love with and I know that's different but it's still real.

At the end of the day, love is about sacrifice. Love is about taking care of other's needs before your own. Love is about feeling as well as doing. We are all meant to love, even those who do not share our calling. It is designed within us, and whether you show it through romance or sacrifice for others, it's still the driving force that allows for so many people to sprout wings.

Our hearts yearn to be free. Love helps break the chains that keep us grounded. Were the Beatles onto something when they sang, "All we need is love..."

Maybe...maybe not.

I don't think that all we need is love, but that's another conversation entirely so for now I leave you with this: 

True love exists and we are all capable of finding it. The journey is hard and difficult, but in the end it'll be worth it. Sure you can hope for a better future, but find a way to make that future become a reality. Do everything within your power to make the future happen, then everything else will fall into place the way it's supposed to.

-Chris

A Heart's Mistake

"Should've held my ground
I could've been redeemed
For every second chance
That changed its mind on me,
I should've spoken up
I should've proudly claimed
That oh my head's to blame
For all my hearts mistakes..."

It's amazing to me how everyone is so different. There are people who run off of emotions and those who are grounded in strict logic. Those who are emotionally driven would compare the logical ones to intellectual robots whereas the converse would liken the others to irrational individuals.

Logical people think everything through and try to objectively weigh out their options in life. They do not allow how they feel to cloud their judgment during a situation. They don't let emotions get in the way of anything. Logical people have multiple scenarios planned out in their mind depending on all outcomes in life.

Those driven by emotions are just the opposite. If something doesn't feel right, they won't do it. In the same manner, if it does feel right, they will do it. They act impulsively and make, what some would call, rash decisions. This breed lives day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

Why think about the future when we can be so caught up in the present?

If you know me even a little, you may have an idea where I'm going with this. I believe that in life, moderation is key. There has to be a balance between logic and feelings. You'll hear me say all the time that I trust my gut. My instincts will scream out and warn me of danger yet at the same time on occasion my head will tell me to think something through before rushing in guns a blazing.

I think the problem with living one way or the other is that at the end of the day we need both in order to survive. Both emotions and logic have the capacity to betray you.

Off the top of my head, I can think of two separate people who can be identified by each of these labels. My logical friend is all about explanation. His drive for knowledge is unshakable. I've met very few people who are smarter than this individual, yet at the same time I find it hard to believe he's capable of relating to people of "lesser intelligence."

My emotionally driven friend is just the opposite. He allows his feelings to overwhelm him and ultimately bring him down. While searching for answers he will, in a way, bleed on those around them and unintentionally hurt them while simply trying to get them to sympathize with him. How he treats people depends on what kind of mood he is in.

I know that I sound harsh in regards to the emotionally driven people, but the truth is, they are connected to their emotions and I envy them. Granted, you have to control how you feel, otherwise you're going to be a walking mood swing, but in the end you have to remember who you are and how you feel.

As I mentioned earlier, balance is important and you cannot allow your emotions to control you! I know it is difficult to be in control, but with willpower at the center of it all, control can be accomplished among the complete emotional spectrum (insert shout out to Geoff Johns here).

Don't let your brain inform your heart on what your heart should be professional on and vice versa. Find a way for both to work together, because separately, they'll never be able to help you connect with others, but together they'll make you strong enough to understanding empathy, thoughtfulness, and tact.

-Chris Peters