Mirror Images

Today, I stood in front of a mirror and looked into my own eyes.

I had gotten lost for a brief moment, wondering what I was doing. I was looking for something.

I was searching for passion.

I was searching for strength.

I was searching for courage.

Did I find them?

I'm not entirely sure, but the day went well. It went very well. I felt as if a weight was slightly lifted, but not completely gone.

Tomorrow, I'll do the same thing.

The best way to face my fear, is to face myself.

I've heard people say that the eyes are the window to the soul. I don't believe that, because when I looked into my own eyes I didn't see my soul. I did see something.

Through everything that I've gone through in my short time on this Earth, I've been warn down. I've gotten tired. I've wanted to give up. I've wanted to quit. I have given up at times.

And even through all of this thoughts and wavering feelings, when I looked into my eyes I saw life.

I saw a reason for a change in posture.

Back straight. Shoulders back. Eyes forward.

Make a move.

Live.

Life is definitely worth the risk.

The Night Sky

"You know the Greeks didn't write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: 'Did he have passion?'"
-Dean From Serendipity

It shouldn't take a man's death for those around him to stop and ask this question. Recently, I've been thinking about where I'm heading in life and whether or not I have the creative drive to get there.

I've openly discussed having a history with apathetic behavior in the past, and I still struggle with that mindset. I fight it, every day and it would be so easy just to accept how things are, good or bad, and let life happen, with or without leaving a mark on the world.

I was approached about writing for my school's newspaper because "I seem to care about what I write..." First and foremost, I was flattered even though I turned down the offer. It didn't feel right to me. The thing is, I'm a sucker for when people tell me I'm good at something, yet I try to remain humble, but honestly it feels really good. But I didn't feel good, humble, or bad or anything when these nice remarks were made to me.

What I felt was a question sweep through my brain.

Do I care about what I write?

There it is. Such a pivotal question. Do I care about the things I do and have felt I've been gifted with?

If the answer is no, then why not?

If the answer is yes, then why?

Passion: something that is desired intensely.

This is an extreme definition of the word and not really a common one, but it is the opposite of what I feel at times.

I admire those, who have passion gushing from their pores enough so that others feel great about their own, but I don't know if that's me.

I have passion, I think, but sometimes it's hard to see.

It's definitely okay to be a passionate individual and it's probably something to strive for, but something that must always be remembered is that one must always remain humble in everything he/she does.

I'm going to start asking myself every morning if I have passion.

I'm not suggesting that you do the same, but I do suggest finding something that will keep the flame ignited. Let you're daily passion spark what it is inside of you that makes you worth more than what you see in the mirror.

Live so that others may see how it's done.

Are We Human?

"Pain is an event. It happens to you, and you deal with it in whatever way you can."
-From novel "The Gunseller"

Bad things have a tendency to happen to everyone. Generally, it doesn't matter who we are, bad things are going to happen.

I've heard many people say they want to forget the pain that has come to them in the past and that makes sense. Why would you want to carry around something that happened years ago?

Some times you'll get hit hard, emotionally, physically, or psychologically. Something will happen that just takes you straight off of your feet and you'll become better acquainted with the floor. An indescribable feeling of hurt will course through veins and all you'll care to do is find a way to get rid of it.

I've been watching some Star Trek movies, which I've never really been a big fan of, but with the new Star Trek movie that came out, it inspired me to get back to its roots...or something.

There are amazing lessons to be learned through Star Trek. It's all about the human condition and have very subtle messages throughout each film. In one film, the antagonist has the ability to help one basically overcome their greatest fear, which correlates with their deepest pain. He proves this ability by first helping most of the main crew, except Captain Kirk, Spock, and (my favorite cynical character ever) Bones.

Through a series of events the villain is able to "help" Bones and he feels as though a weight has been lifted from him. He feels renewed. The villain (who is Spock's half brother) also does it to Spock, and Spock doesn't really react to his "pain". Then it comes time for Kirk to face his pain, but Kirk refuses to let him in.

"You know pain and grief isn't something that can be waved away with a wand. They're the things that are part of us, the things that make us what we are. If we lose those, we lose ourselves. I don't want to forget my pain, I NEED MY PAIN."
-James T. Kirk

The pain we go through is all apart of a process called "Life". Pain is just as important as our triumphs and victories. It is essential to our growth, because without failings, we wouldn't be human. That doesn't mean that we revel in our shortcomings and failures. It simply means you have to look beyond them, but remember where you came from.

Because in the end, your pain is a part of who you are. And an attempt to forgetting that, is the first step toward losing yourself slowly.