Today I had a moment that destroyed me from the inside out. For those of you who follow me on twitter (which is clearly everyone), you saw that I ran into a man who was asking for money.
As I walked to my car in a Best Buy parking lot, I was stopped by a short black man wearing a green sweater. He called me sir and asked if he could have a minute of my time. I eagerly wanted to get into my car, but chose to humor him, even though I inevitably knew what he wanted. I could smell the booze on his breath. That's the problem with having a history of cynicism. I think sometimes it hurts worse when someone proves your beliefs about humanity.
He told me that he knew this wasn't the proper thing to do and kept looking away from me, breaking eye contact. He even pulled out a toothbrush/toothpaste wrapped in a wash cloth, probably to get me to take pity on him. At the end of his rant of how he's been out and about asking for money and applying for jobs on a Sunday, he finally asked me if I had any money on me.
I smiled and offered him a track about Jesus instead (kidding!), however, I did smile and I pulled out my wallet. I gave him two dollars and wished him good luck with his future endeavors. As I got into my car (vanilla bear/the white knight), I picked out my soundtrack for the ride home. I believe I put on a playlist titled "Up in the Air" named after the movie that just came out.
I started to drive away, and all I could think about was the man I met. His name is Joel and I'll probably never see him again. I know some people would tell me that I did wrong by giving him money, but I believe those people are ignorant. That's not to say that I know better, but at the same time a trait that most people lack today is empathy.
Joel changed the tone of my day. When I got home, I watched one of the movies I had purchased at Best Buy. It's called Just Friends with Ryan Reynolds. Hilarious, yet still at the back of my mind my interaction with Joel lingered.
Before I had made it to the store, I had sent out a message through Twitter (aka Tweeted) a message that said this: Empathy can be a powerful tool in the hands of someone with a pure heart.
After sharing a thought about a pure ability such as empathy, who would I have been to deny that man just a few dollars?
Money is such a small thing to offer to someone. It's too small. I tried to share more with him in what was less than five minutes. Maybe he just needed someone to look him in the eye when he asked for money. Maybe he just needed to feel like a man again.
The thing is, I have stared into the eyes of hopeless men and this man was far from being completely gone. I could tell how painful it was for him to be asking for money. I could see how lost he was. I could see his hurting and for most of the afternoon I felt a small ounce of it. I'm not saying that I could possibly know everything that he has gone through. I mean, the man apparently just got out of prison.
I wish to never come off as callous, yet at the same time I want to be authentic. This is what happened and it may dominate my world for days. I normally don't write to where I'm at and this is not cry for answers. What this is, is an opportunity to learn together. This is about taking what you know and combining it with the unknown. What is to be learned can be either breathtaking or heartbreaking.
What does the future hold? I'm not sure, but I am excited to be a part of the journey alongside my greatest friends and the ones I'm still getting to know.
Life is an adventure, there's no mistaking it for anything but that. It's the beat I follow and the theme in which I write to.
Help us all to learn to show humility in the face of adversity and turmoil. Help us all find courage for even the smallest moments of fear.
Give us the strength to do what's right in all circumstances.
-Chris Peters
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