Hurry Up and Wait

"If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate..."

-Look After You - The Fray

There are always going to be times in life where you find yourself alone and afraid. Maybe someone hurt you and there's this constant reminder of the pain, or maybe you don't need a reminder to help you remember what you or that person did.

Life has a way of keeping you on the ground. There are these moments that separate you from strength and it's often hard to find your way back to who you are. Situations start take a toll, and you become lost inside of a whirlwind of hurt that you tried so hard to avoid.

I've said in the past that pain is essential and a natural part of growth. From the weight lifter dealing with muscle pain to the teenager having growing pains (show me that smile...), pain happens.

I may be rehashing an old conversation, but it feels right to start it over. Your identity is very important. Who you are is who you become in your worst of circumstances.

It's on our knees that we can finally check the mirror to see who we've become. Who you are in your worst nightmares can be the strongest reflection of your true character.

When we are wounded, it seems natural to latch onto those around us. We grab our megaphones and scream at the top of our lungs, "DOES ANYBODY SEE ME?!?!"

Then in a low whisper...

"Can anyone help me? I need you to see that I'm hurting..."

We have a tendency to bleed on those around us. 

Open wounds are hard to recover from. Sometimes it's hard to see past the bandage to notice that the healing process is working. Healing takes time. Healing, as crazy as it may sound, can hurt worse than what caused the injury in the first place.

So where does that leave us?

At the end of the day, it's about smiling. It's not about removing memories or pain from your life, but accepting them as a part of you. It can't simply be about all of the good things that are thrown our way, there has to be room for the bad as well.

What's the cure?

Endure. Some people won't understand potential beatings you may have to take but that's probably the point. You have to make the choice that most people are too afraid or stubborn to make-the right choice.

Endurance allows for our hearts to sprout wings. I'm sure the metaphor has been used before but in our finest moments we will have learned how to fly because of all the times the wind wouldn't take.

Remember the hurt and constantly remind yourself who you are. Defeat leaves scars but victory can cleanse the soul.

For more thoughts on Pain and Healing check out my old entries:

The Cure For Pain


Are We Human?

A Change in Formula

Dream: A condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration. 

At my school, there is a constant conversation over the topic of dreams. It's a powerful talk and even more powerful when people become aware of their dreams.

A dream can range from an obscure idea to a very specific vision of what you wish to achieve in the future. Mine is in the middle. I wish to take a part in story through writing, one of the most powerful arts.

The thing is, I've been blessed to be a part of a dream that consists multiple people. I'm not doing this alone. Nothing is better than being able to share your dream with others. Living it through together is powerful.

Last night was a great one for me. I was brainstorming a short film idea with a close friend and it turned into something much more passionate than what appeared to be a surface concept. We continued to incorporate our very souls into this story. No story will reflect our characters more than this one will.

We spoke about what we wanted to accomplish in life and where we would be going because to be a writer you have to be consumed by your imagination. There's this sense of not being able to leave the world's you create because all you wish to do is continue to create! It makes human interaction difficult at times because you can't focus on where you are, all you can think about is the characters you're building in your mind.

Robert McKee, in his book called Story, says this:

"For we not only create stories as metaphors for life, we create them as metaphors for meaningful life-and to live meaningfully is to be at perpetual risk."

My dream is to do as this quote says. Great storytelling is to say, "life is like this______________." I get to fill in the blanks.

It may sound fun, and may sound over the top, but it's also very weighty. Dreams don't always allow you to fly. Sometimes they can leave you stranded on the ground.

So let me ask you, what are your dreams? Whether or not we actually speak about it, try to think it through. Drop logic, drop your overthinking mindset and simply dream.

What happens when you do this?

That's what I'm interested in.

-Chris Peters

What Kind of Day Has It Been

Today I had a moment that destroyed me from the inside out. For those of you who follow me on twitter (which is clearly everyone), you saw that I ran into a man who was asking for money.

As I walked to my car in a Best Buy parking lot, I was stopped by a short black man wearing a green sweater. He called me sir and asked if he could have a minute of my time. I eagerly wanted to get into my car, but chose to humor him, even though I inevitably knew what he wanted. I could smell the booze on his breath. That's the problem with having a history of cynicism. I think sometimes it hurts worse when someone proves your beliefs about humanity.

He told me that he knew this wasn't the proper thing to do and kept looking away from me, breaking eye contact. He even pulled out a toothbrush/toothpaste wrapped in a wash cloth, probably to get me to take pity on him. At the end of his rant of how he's been out and about asking for money and applying for jobs on a Sunday, he finally asked me if I had any money on me.

I smiled and offered him a track about Jesus instead (kidding!), however, I did smile and I pulled out my wallet. I gave him two dollars and wished him good luck with his future endeavors. As I got into my car (vanilla bear/the white knight), I picked out my soundtrack for the ride home. I believe I put on a playlist titled "Up in the Air" named after the movie that just came out.

I started to drive away, and all I could think about was the man I met. His name is Joel and I'll probably never see him again. I know some people would tell me that I did wrong by giving him money, but I believe those people are ignorant. That's not to say that I know better, but at the same time a trait that most people lack today is empathy.

Joel changed the tone of my day. When I got home, I watched one of the movies I had purchased at Best Buy. It's called Just Friends with Ryan Reynolds. Hilarious, yet still at the back of my mind my interaction with Joel lingered.

Before I had made it to the store, I had sent out a message through Twitter (aka Tweeted) a message that said this: Empathy can be a powerful tool in the hands of someone with a pure heart.

After sharing a thought about a pure ability such as empathy, who would I have been to deny that man just a few dollars?

Money is such a small thing to offer to someone. It's too small. I tried to share more with him in what was less than five minutes. Maybe he just needed someone to look him in the eye when he asked for money. Maybe he just needed to feel like a man again.

The thing is, I have stared into the eyes of hopeless men and this man was far from being completely gone. I could tell how painful it was for him to be asking for money. I could see how lost he was.  I could see his hurting and for most of the afternoon I felt a small ounce of it. I'm not saying that I could possibly know everything that he has gone through. I mean, the man apparently just got out of prison.

I wish to never come off as callous, yet at the same time I want to be authentic. This is what happened and it may dominate my world for days. I normally don't write to where I'm at and this is not cry for answers. What this is, is an opportunity to learn together. This is about taking what you know and combining it with the unknown. What is to be learned can be either breathtaking or heartbreaking.

What does the future hold? I'm not sure, but I am excited to be a part of the journey alongside my greatest friends and the ones I'm still getting to know. 

Life is an adventure, there's no mistaking it for anything but that. It's the beat I follow and the theme in which I write to.

Help us all to learn to show humility in the face of adversity and turmoil. Help us all find courage for even the smallest moments of fear.

Give us the strength to do what's right in all circumstances.


-Chris Peters

Rebirth: Growing Up

“Some people hide from who they really are, others accept who they are. But, sometimes, it’s the tough moments that help you realize who you’ve finally become.”
-J.D. From Scrubs 

I always get nostalgic this time of year. Maybe it's the amount of time spent with family and all of the reminiscing that goes on or maybe it's because another year is finally closing to an end. I think a part of me may just be surprised that I was able to make it through the past 52 weeks.

It's always good to be able to look back at yourself, even if it's just a few days, and hope that you're stronger or better off than you were during that time. Looking back at the past few years, I've learned a lot about myself and who I wish to become.

I've been through a lot of insecurity and a lot of weakness and at the same time, I've learned about my courage and strengths. I've learned who I can be for people at certain times, even if that involves shutting my mouth and letting someone cry, whine, or complain.

I don't put a lot of stock into these "New Years Resolutions" and I never will. I've never understood them and so I refuse to participate. So maybe at the end of the year, we should take the time to sit back and reflect for a moment before looking ahead.

I hear people talk about how exciting the new year will be and it's because of this notion that they need to find renewal. The only problem is that change will not occur from December 31st to January 1st unless the individuals make it happen.

There's no mystical force that says, "You know...perhaps in 2010 Chris will no longer have an addiction to Haribo Gummy Bears."

It doesn't work like that!

New Years resolutions are about people wishing they had the willpower to give up something or gain something but never actually commit.

What you need, is to reflect first, then press on. Examine how you handled the situations from the previous year. Examine how you did, not what you did.

The future holds only mystery. There's no way of knowing what tomorrow holds. We can wish and dream we know what will happen but at the end of the day we'll find ourselves only wanting.

Once you analyze the past, you can begin searching for a moment of rebirth. Transformation will occur if you seek it out yet it should not be used as a crutch to support you through your journey. If you allow the idea of change to become your whole reason for living, you will become lost in a search that should remain secondary.

Life is about more than living for yourself, but without being able to take care of yourself, how can you be expected to take care of those in need around you?

The key to living can be concluded through the words of a friend:
"Do right and fear nothing...your heart is your best asset. Keep it pure."
-anonymous

Unshakable Force

I've been told that language shapes culture. 

The leader in a group of friends can be identified by who came up with the catch phrases/one liners/cheesy puns of the group.

 I would like to think within my blog I have created my own language. I use certain words and terminology that has resonated inside of me through other sources. My goal, is to believe the words I use, but sometimes I use words that I don't take the time to define. A responsible reader would go and look things up on his/her own time, but there is one word in particular that is screaming at me.

Willpower.

• self-control: the trait of resolutely controlling your own behavior.
  
  
• The unwavering strength of will to carry out one’s wishes.
   
• is self-discipline and determination.

I have borrowed this word from a source of inspiration for me. Most of you know that I am a comic book reader. I just love how a story can have my emotions wrapped around its fingers. One character never fails to do this. 

I'm not going to talk about Hal Jordan, although he is the character I'm drawing inspiration from at the moment. He has an unshakable will.

 Having a strong willpower means that you'll be able to look your deepest fear dead in the eye without flinching. I write a lot about fear. It's hard not too. Fear has led man to do horrible things and I know that it's what causes most pain.

Not everyone has strong willpower. That's not to say it's unobtainable. On the contrary, it's a totally reachable goal. 

How many times have you found yourself alone feeling weak and abandoned?

Weakness, is what causes us to fail more than anything. Stumbling over road blocks is a far too periodic feeling for me. I can understand falling to your weakness, but what I can't understand is losing hope that one day you'll overcome even your deepest one.

Have you ever had a friend come to you about a situation and they don't know what to do?

You try to help them through it, but they keep going back to how they don't believe in themselves?

It's heartbreaking. It's demoralizing. It's never pathetic.

We've all been there. How do you encourage someone to never settle for defeat? 

Do you show them with your own life or are there words that can help give them the strength necessary?

 If there are words they lie here in this quote:

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

-Theodore Roosevelt 

Having a strong willpower is to have a soldier mindset. It's about devoting yourself to a cause or an ideal entirely all for the sake of whatever it is.

It could be for someone you care about or everyone you care about. It could be about injustice or it could be about helping a complete stranger.

"The only hope you have is to accept the fact that you're already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be able to function as a soldier is supposed to function: without mercy, without compassion, without remorse. All war depends upon it."
-Ronald Spiers from Band of Brothers 

The quote ends an exchange between a fearless soldier and one caught in fear. As a soldier, you have to fight. If you don't, you will die.

Kill or be killed.

Most people repeatedly fall to their fear.

You can become crippled if you let fear control you, which leads to inaction. Often times, we lose ourselves to an inability to make movement.

Fear only controls when it's allowed to. When someone finds the strength to move forward, amazing things can happen, but finding that strength is the tricky part.

To overcome fear, you must first look at hope. Hope can be a powerful driving force, but sometimes it can be negative. The fact of the matter is, hope can stop us from living. What happens is we find something to look forward to, and for some reason we become afraid of losing it, even if we don't have it. Especially if we don't have it.

So what do we do?

We put it on a pedestal. We idolize it. It becomes our priority and we give up everything for it.

Hope can be a danger to someone running on willpower.

Where does that leave us?

It leaves us aimlessly hoping, when opportunity is right in front of us. This can be destructive and dangerous. Ultimately, I think we care far more than we should about our own safety. Life without risk is just as deadly as dying young.

The man I am tomorrow relies on the man I am today to do something. The decisions I make, the steps that I take, all factor into the future. 

Sometimes all it takes is a dose of self-confidence. It's hard to find that, but when you do find a source that brings you great confidence, hold onto it and use it. Let it talk you into greatness.

We are all meant to shine. It doesn't matter how dark or scary life gets, you shine.

You shine so that others will see light. You shine so that you can be a beacon of hope.

A barricade of strength.

Where does this all come from, well, we have to end at the beginning.

 It comes from The unwavering strength of will to carry out one’s wishes.

 Willpower. 

 Where will you find your strength?

-Christopher Peters

No-Win Scenario

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

-Winston Churchill

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am captivated by heroism. Sure believing in heroes is a very romantic notion to have living in such a cynical society but something inside of me still screams out for a chance to be a beacon of hope. 

You see, that's what a hero does. They become this light that shines brighter than anything. It's all that anyone can see. It's all anyone can think about.

There is a fatal flaw that resounds in humanity. We give up on things far too easily. I think it's because somewhere along the way we decided that if something doesn't come easy it's not worth having. 

I watched the new Star Trek movie twice last week (once on blu-ray I might add and it's just stunning). There is something about that movie that inspires me. Maybe it's the character of Jim Kirk that attracts my attention. 

James T. Kirk doesn't believe in what is called a "no-win scenario". Everyone around him is preaching that you must know what it is like to fail, but he can't accept failure. He won't accept failure.

That's not to say that he's never failed, because no one is infallible. There is always a way for things to turn around no matter the situation. 

People seem to think that if you fail at something once, you ought to give up on it. When did it become so easy for us to do this?

It sounds to me like we have become complacent with mediocrity. Settling for being "just okay" rather than being the absolute best.

"Many of life's failures are men who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." 

-Thomas Edison

This leads me to my point. 

Don't give up.

Most of the time, the thing that has been driving you to your goal, will push you over the edge before you can truly take flight.

At the end of the day, it's about passion. It's about motivation. It's about tenacity. 

Chase after (insert goal here) with every ounce of your being.

When people ask you why you are killing yourself over something that seems so minuscule and worthless, don't be discouraged. There are always going to be those who don't understand what it is that you have to do.

Even those who should be the most understanding of your situation probably won't get it. When you set your mind to a fight, failure can't be an option. Quitting should be pushed farthest from your heart, even though it's going to look like the most attractive thing at times.

You can't let your desire to be done with something overwhelm what's right. Even in the end, when things don't work out for your favor, just remind yourself that sometimes pursuing something is more about the pursuit than it is the object you are pursuing.

I don't believe in no-win-scenarios. When people ask me why I won't give up, I want to be able to look at them and respond, "I don't know how."

Winston Churchill summed it up better than I ever could. 

"Never, never, never give up."

The Enemy Within (A Locked Cage)

Recently I had the opportunity to encourage someone younger than me to always believe in himself. I asked him about how life was and I got to this place where I hit a chord. Maybe it was the wrong one but I asked him how his life with the ladies was.

He responded, not great...I mean it is me we're talking about here.

And there it is.

In script writing, we are encouraged to have a protagonist with a clear goal and an antagonist who tries to stop the protagonist from reaching his goal. I think I struggle with creating the villain to my stories because in life I'm the one stopping myself from reaching my goals.

I am my own worst enemy.

The problem with this goes beyond having a critical nature toward yourself. That's bound to happen. If you aren't critical of what you do, it could stunt your growth.

Have you ever found yourself in a position of pure doubt?

After all of the strength you've mustered up vanishes, you take a look in the mirror and just feel useless?

I've been there. I'm not very good at taking compliments. I never have been. I've always felt that there are far more important things for people to be doing that say, "Hey, you're incredible at what you do."

It's not that I don't appreciate it, it's mostly because I'm undeserving.

Life is full of moments. Each moment becomes about the defining of your character. There is not one distinct moment that defines you, it's all of them put together. If one moment defines who you are, life would seem pointless.

You can't sit around waiting for that moment of inspiration when motion is happening all around you. Taking your life for granted will kill all motivation to live rightly.


How do you stop yourself from being your own worst enemy?

It can be selfish to be that guy. What happened was that somewhere along the way you thought that showing humility meant destroying confidence. At each turn, you started to let people walk all over you because you wanted to remain humble, when in reality your your heart is looking for a way to find freedom.

You've built a prison that only you have the key to unlock. You have internalized all of your insecurities yet somehow they found a way to the surface and it plays into your decisions you make in everyday life.

Your trust for yourself is lost in your self-pity. Your love for yourself simply doesn't exist anymore and for what purpose?

All it does is create a shell of a human being that was meant for far greater than you give yourself credit for. At the end of the day, it's about choosing others over yourself. It's about knowing who you are and hoping that the future holds something great for you.

I encourage everyone to check yourself daily. Don't allow yourself to be lost in your own weaknesses. If possible, turn it into a strength. Turn your eyes to the horizon but beware of each step you take and cherish every moment you have.

-Chris Peters